Karma and Other Thoughts

Big S and I went out this afternoon to workout. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and we were walking a few laps before sprints. It was the kind of Saturday afternoon I always loved; grilling, sitting on the deck, glass of wine in hand. Things were a whole lot different then.



Big S is a big believer in Karma. As I’ve written before, he really is innocent of the crime that put him in here. But, he’ll be the first to tell you he deserved to get some time. He had a great job in loss prevention with a major department store chain. He gave it all up, including a chance to be a manager with the chain to become a bounty hunter (a/k/a “The Dog” on A & E Network). He played fast and loose as a bounty hunter and thought he was untouchable. Then, he got caught up in a mess, a victim of misidentification, and he gets prison time.


I kind of buy the Karma theory. My faith tells me how you treat people, how you forgive, is how you’ll be treated and forgiven.


In my case, I knew by late October of 2007 that I was out of control. In 2006 and ten months of 2007, I had taken almost $1 million. I was buying anything I saw for people, flying first class with friends in tow every month.


I came back from a five day trip to Vegas with two friends the first week of November. I totaled up what I’d taken just that year and flipped out. I destroyed all the records I had and vowed never to take another penny.


For weeks after that while I was driving to work I’d be overwhelmed with fear that I was going to get caught. I’d start sweating and I’d cry out “God, I don’t want to go to prison; I don’t want to lose my family”. Then, I’d get to work, things would be fine and cocky me would think everything was gravy.


I made it 92 days without taking any more money. Then, I treated two friends to a Vegas “invitation only” Super Bowl party. Another five days in Vegas, round-trip airfare, rooms, meals. I was going to handle the bills on my own until my broker called. The market was going down and I needed to invest in gold, he suggested. I panicked and prepared a $30,000 check to buy into a gold fund. It was February 8, 2008. I lost hope that day. I knew I couldn’t stop. I frankly gave up. Seven months later when I was arrested, it was because an accounting clerk had seen the investment check from February and thought it looked suspicious. Karma.


Or maybe it was something more than that. I’m a firm believer that God allows things to happen sometimes for a reason. In my case, I needed to be caught; without the arrest I’d probably be dead by now. I hated who I’d become. I couldn’t even look myself in the face. I was drinking a great deal to dull the pain of realizing I had made a mess of my life.


In hindsight, getting arrested saved my life. Big S realizes this experience has taught him how to be a better father. He loves his daughter, always has. But, being apart from her makes him want to be there every moment of her life. He wants to be the father she deserves.


Me, I was thinking as I ran, about the time I taught my wife to drive a four speed stick. I was sweet and patient. I never raised my voice. It was all “more gas, less clutch sweetie”. I thought about the time when she was pregnant with our first son, how I doted over her. I almost got diabetes being so sweet!


I liked that guy. I didn’t like the guy that stole, the guy I’d become. A good number of folks wrote letters on my behalf to the judge. A few testified for me. It was a humbling experience to hear people talk about your decency when you don’t feel it and probably don’t deserve it.


Karma is OK. If you pay attention to it you can get another chance. That’s provided you act decently. Funny, but I realized while hanging with Big S today my life’s gone full circle. I only wish I could teach her to drive that four speed stick again

Convict Cable

Prison has cable and prisoners have TV’s. To a good many people, that will come as a surprise. Our prison here is on “Corrections Cable”. We get basic channels, bare minimum, and the inmates pay for it, not individually but with the “slush fund” the prison collects from overcharging on commissary (for a detailed explanation on the commissary and cable contracts read my previous post – “Contracts 101”).



TV watching is a prime past time in here. Inmates can buy a color TV (13 inch) through commissary for over $200. The TV is specially manufactured for prisoners. It’s made out of clear plastic so officers can see inside to make sure there’s no contraband stored in the case. The same TV in a catalog lists for $89.


You order your set, wait two weeks and then you walk across the compound to personal property and pick it up. The property officer puts “security” stickers around the case (stickers removed, you get an alteration charge) and engraves your name on the set to prevent theft. You also need to order a surge protector, coaxial cable (to hook your set up to cable) and a headset. Prison rules prohibit you from watching your set without headphones. After spending your $300 for the full “set up” you’re ready for TV.


Of the 96 bunks in this building, there are 92 individual sets. We get the four major networks (ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox). Then there are the specialty channels: CNN, TBS, TNT, CW, A & E, Univision (Spanish), PBS, Health Channel, ESPN & ESPN2, BET, Spike, and Lifetime.


The two “eye opening” prison experiences for me have been watching guys line up for ice cream on Tuesday nights and seeing all the sets tuned to Lifetime. There is something off kilter about guys sitting on their beds, eating butter pecan ice cream, intently watching “Army Wives” on Lifetime. To be fair, most guys watch Lifetime because the women are hot.


The other big channel is Spike. Spike is all bikinis, guns, cars and action movies. Two weeks ago, Stallone’s newest “Rambo” came on Spike. From the corner of the building, P or V or E (pick a letter; it’s someone’s name!) yelled out “Rambo on 10”. Within nanoseconds 50 sets turned to Spike.


You can spot the child molesters. They love cartoons (no joke) and avoid any show with bikinis (Spike had “Ms. Hooters” contest on a month ago, the “game guys” all had “You’ve Got Mail” on).


TV is really mind numbing. There are guys that lie in bed all day (except for meals and bathroom breaks) switching from “Jerry Springer” to “Wife Swap”. They know every channels programming schedule by heart. Their TVs remain on 24/7 except during “standing counts” (there are only 3 of these each day).


If you are shocked that prisons allow inmates to have TVs and cable, think of the alternative. 96 guys living on top of each other, many guys angry at the treatment they received in court, feeling wronged, pissed off at the world. Guys with kids put in bunks next to child molesters; Bloods next to Crips; and you hire two female COs to keep the peace. TV does more to keep the building quiet than 10 Cos could do.


I used to be a big TV guy before I got arrested. Now, I check the scores on ESPN at 5:30 in the morning and then the local news and headlines. With the exception of an hour a night, my TV is off. There are too many books to read, stories to write, crossword puzzles to work, law work to handle; to dull my mind with TV.


Don’t get me wrong, I love a couple of shows. Besides sports and news my “picks” for TV: any Gordon Ramsey cooking show; “The Mentalist”; “The Office” (Tuesday night 3 hours on TBS, just an FYI); “The Closer”, “Rizzoli and Isles”, and “House”. I’m just trying to keep my mind fresh to get through each day. Gotta go, “Big Brother” is coming on.