Newt Knows

Two weeks ago dozens of conservatives gathered in Washington, DC to assert that they are at the forefront of the prison reform movement. As former House Speaker Newt Gingrich noted, conservatives now realized that their drive in the 1980s and 1990s for long prison terms had the “unexpected consequences” of imprisoning too many non-violent offenders.

            Many in attendance at the conference credited to the late Chuck Colson for inspiring them to push for prison reform. Colson, known as the “hatchet man” for the Nixon Administration during Watergate, served time in a federal prison. He had a “Damascus Epiphany” while awaiting sentencing. His conversion allowed him to see the waste – in both money and lives – that prison is for all but the sociopaths who need to be segregated from society. Colson used his experiences as the basis for starting the group “Prison Fellowship,” a faith-based non-profit organization which has shown remarkable success in changing inmate’s lives.

            Colson wrote and spoke extensively about the evil lurking within America’s prisons (he did so before the advent of blogs!). What he witnessed convinced him that Christians must speak out about excessive punishment, waste, and despair evident “behind the walls.” This wasn’t limited to high-security prisons. Even low-custody, “soft” facilities, operate in a repressive manner. Prisons destroy. And, for so many behind bars who have known nothing but failure and disappointment, it leads only to anger, and bitterness and more failure.

            Newt and his conservative brethren know America can do better. Mr. Colson knew God expected more from us. Irony is defined as an event or result that is the opposite of what is expected. My life these past six years, meets that definition. Like Mr. Colson, I had an epiphany about my entire outlook while sitting alone in a jail cell. And like Mr. Colson, I realized all the assumption I spouted, all the things that motivated me, were false. Something else mattered.

            I don’t know if I would have come to that realization years earlier if it would have saved my marriage. I only know that I wasn’t willing to see it until, until that day in that cell.

            I think that helps explain the likes of Newt and Jeb, Edwin and Richard, and the hundreds of other “conservatives” who know now what they didn’t know then. Mr. Colson, thank you.

Bonhoeffer's Prayer

A friend of my mother’s – “Ms. Pat” – has been steadfastly writing me for the last year and a half. She and her husband are longtime friends of my parents. We attended the same church when I was growing up. They still reside in the same home they lived in back in the ‘70’s. I remember one Christmas, shortly after we married, I took my new bride to a party at their home. During my time in prison, I’ve thought often of how beautiful my wife looked that night.



Ms. Pat is an 80 year old woman of deep faith and conviction. More importantly, she practices what she preaches. She is very open about her own failures and shortcomings. She is also very forgiving.


Anyway, she writes quite regularly. I enjoy her letters. They usually contain a card with a Bible verse that is exactly what I need to see at that particular moment. There are newspaper clippings about prison fellowship programs, song lyrics, poems and prayers. Many of these find their way to get taped up in my locker.


Two days ago I received another mailing from Ms. Pat. Included in the envelope was a prayer written by the 20th century German Theologian DietrichBonhoeffer. He wrote this prayer as he awaited execution in a concentration camp. He was imprisoned and eventually executed by the Nazis for daring to speak out against Hitler. His faith, he argued, compelled him to confront evil.


He was a solitary man who agonized and prayed, trying to decide what his moral obligation was. Should he speak out against the government? In the end, he followed the guiding principles of his faith in God. At the age of 39, he lost his life, but kept his faith.


On Waking in Prison


O God, early in the morning I cry to You;
Help me to pray
And to concentrate my thoughts on You;
I cannot do this alone.

In me there is darkness,

But with You there is light;

I am lonely, but You do not leave me;

I am feeble in heart, but with You there is help;

I am restless, but with You there is peace.

With me there is bitterness, but with You there is patience;

I do not understand Your ways,

But You know the way for me.


There is no one I’ve met who is being held as a prisoner of conscience. In fact, most of us in here did, in fact, break the law. But Christians, at least, would do well to read the Gospels of Paul’s Epistles. There are numerous references to those in prison and none of those says “this doesn’t apply if the prisoner is guilty.”


In Matthew 25, Jesus speaks of the Lord separating the flock. “The Lord said ‘I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me’. Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord when did we see You?’ And the Lord said ‘to the extent that you did it to one of these, you did it to Me.”


The righteous gain eternal life. The others, eternal punishment.


Bonhoeffer’s prayer is profound testament to the feelings of despair, loneliness, isolation and fear that every imprisoned person feels. But, it is also a powerful reminder that no matter what a man did, God is with him in prison if he calls out.


People may not like hearing this, but we are all created in His image and He requires us to be loving, be forgiving, be merciful and just.


Visit someone in prison. Make a difference in that person’s life. Be a beacon of God’s light. The life you save may be your own.

Thou Shalt . . .

I finished running the other afternoon and headed back from the track to sit on the benches outside our building door. It was a beautiful, crisp fall afternoon. While sitting there I saw another inmate jog back to the building. He stood on our basketball court and faced east. He then began to call, in an Arabic chant, his fellow Muslims to prayer. Within a minute or so five other inmates came to the court and they began their afternoon prayers. I bowed my head and prayed as well.



That evening and the night following, USA Today ran interesting stories on our ignorance about our own faith and our views on God. The troubling story: most Christians know little about Christianity and the Bible. Atheists, Muslims, Jews and Mormons know more Christian doctrine, than Protestants or Catholics (and Catholics, you guys score the lowest).


In the other piece, people’s views of God were placed in four different categories. Most Americans view God as either “critical” (i.e. passing judgment) or “benevolent” (loving, forgiving, helping).


As I thought about the discipline I see exhibited daily by the Muslim inmates, I began to consider both stories and my own faith experience while in here.


I was a poor Christian before my arrest. I grew up in a “church family”. We went every week; my folks still do. But, we never read the Bible. Candidly, I never read the Bible until I was locked up. Then, I read it cover to cover, highlighting and underlining verses and words, memorizing lines and parables, and psalms.


My wife and I went to church each Sunday. She taught Sunday school. We were both church elders. Our kids grew up in the church. I knew doctrine, but I didn’t know what it meant to have a real relationship with God.


Then, I got arrested and my life came crashing down. My church family abandoned me. My minister refused to visit me in jail (“I don’t want to get in the middle of their marital issues”); only three members ever wrote me, and my wife ignored her vows and Jesus’ teaching on divorce and ended our marriage.


In spite of all that, slowly I began to heal, find peace and joy. I realized how wrong I had been about so many things. I read and reread Psalms, Epistles, Gospels and I learned and believed.


I’m one of those who think God is benevolent. I believe we all fall short, we all fail, we all deserve condemnation. Yet, somehow God loves us anyway. He forgives us and if we just trust Him, He’ll see us through.


Having said that, I have a sobering thought for anyone who considers themselves a good Christian: it’s a whole lot tougher than just going to church.


The key, when all is said and done, is forgiveness. That doesn’t mean saying “I forgive you, but I’ll never forget”. No, it means forgiving and forgetting.


Jesus spoke over and over about forgiveness in the Gospel of Matthews. Words like this in chapter 6: “If you forgive, your Father in heaven will also forgive you . . . If you do not forgive, your Father will not forgive you”.


Or how about chapter 18 when Peter asks if he had to forgive someone seven times. Imagine his surprise when Jesus said “you must forgive seventy times seven” then makes the point with the parable about the unforgiving servant.


I still sit there stunned and in awe each time I read those passages. I realized I had no justifiable reason to be angry at anyone. I had made a mess out of my life. I hurt terribly the woman I loved and my two sons. Yet, I know I’ve been forgiven by my God. If I could be forgiven for what I did, how could I not do the same?


Back in August I had to decide whether I would file suit against my former employer. With two other “disgraced” lawyers, I fashioned a unique argument about their handling of my arrest and events leading up to it. I knew all the company “dirt”, the questionable financial activity, the “who’s sleeping with who”. The point of the suit was to be to bring heat on them. I finally told the guys I couldn’t do it. I let it go.


The saddest experience in my life has not been the arrest, conviction, and imprisonment. It was my wife divorcing me and telling me she no longer loved me. I never really got angry, but the hurt cut me deeply.


I’m still sad, always will be. But, I found a way to unload so much of the pain. Now, I only have those wonderful memories of our time together. Do I wish we were still together? Yes. Do I miss her? More than words can express. But, I’ll be OK. I’m at peace.


She was a wonderful companion. She is an amazing woman. In my heart, I will always love her. I can’t really worry about why she did what she did. She had her reasons.


In multiple places the Bible references God “setting the prisoners free”. Each of us, when we let anger, bitterness, and sorrow consume us are imprisoned.


We all could pay better attention to our faith. We all could be more forgiving, more loving, more kind. If we were, the prisons would be less filled, marriages stronger, families more stable and we’d all feel better.


Prison sucks, but I’m blessed. Perhaps that’s the key to all of this, to finding joy in any circumstance. And perhaps, if we realize God loves us, we can love and forgive those that hurt us and all be really free.