I think a fair bit about why I did what I did. Was I a good man who made a series of bad decisions? A sociopath who betrayed those who loved and depended on me? A sufferer of a mental disorder (way to go Catherine Zeta Jones!)? Over the last three years I’ve accepted I did very stupid, self-destructive things that hurt people I love. And, I accept there was no reason to do them. I knew they were wrong. So why’d I do it?
Two Northeastern University psychologists have offered a surprising study on character. Character, they argue is a dynamic process. Character isn’t set in stone. There is a constant tension between our desires of short term and long term goals and our moral compass. We’re not talking good and evil. We’re talking “acting out of character” when faced with certain circumstances. And, the two professors argue, anyone can act much more “out of character” than we think.
I recently saw an interview with philosopher/political theoretician Christopher Hitchins. Hitchins, at one point in his career attacked Mother Teresa’s character. “She accepted donations from some of the world’s most repressive regimes and known narcoterrorists…that’s immoral.”
The authors would argue Mother Teresa placed her short term goal – feeding the poor of Calcutta – ahead of her moral judgment – taking “blood money”. And she’s not the only example: Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, U.S. Olympic athlete Marion Jones, Tiger Woods. All had “everything going for them” and all made short-sighted, corrupt, bad decisions.
I understand human failure and weakness more now than I ever did. I am especially on guard when I hear people refer to themselves as good. Many times during the past few years I’ve been attacked by people near and dear to me that I am loathsome and despicable. But they, on the other hand “are good”.
I find support for these two doctors’ research in my study of the Bible. The Bible, after all, is a story of very human people, doing very human things and a God who has every reason in the world to condemn us, yet loves and forgives us.
This morning I read two powerful sections in the Gospel of Matthew. In the first, Jesus is explaining to Peter that he is required to forgive “seven time seventy”. Failure to forgive, as often as is necessary, is condemnable. “Just as God has forgiven you, so must you forgive.”
In the very next chapter Jesus explains what God expects in marriage. It’s simple and blunt “you don’t divorce unless there’s adultery”. The “good people”, the Pharisees are shocked by this pronouncement. They shouldn’t have been. God’s moral code is pretty straight forward. “Walk humbly before your God and treat each other the way you want to be treated.”
We all make bad decisions. We all put self interest ahead of what we know in our hearts is the right thing to do, the moral thing to do, the Godly thing to do.
These researchers helped me come to terms with why I did what I did. I wasn’t heinous. In fact, as most people who have met me will attest, I’m a decent, caring, loving man. But when faced with a particular dilemma, I chose expedience over right. The researchers also gave me a reason to believe my new found compassion for those who’ve made a mess of their lives is well-founded. The lesson, I think is simply this: we can all be a little more loving; a little more understanding; a little more forgiving.
On “Good Friday” about two thousand years ago the good people had had enough of a troublesome itinerant preacher. He kept telling them their view of morality was not God’s view. They condemned Him to death. But thankfully, that wasn’t the end of the story. It was just the beginning. No one’s character is set in stone. We all fall short. And by God’s grace we can all be redeemed.
Perhaps there’s someone in your life who screwed up and hurt you. Now may be the time to put that behind you. I know it is for me.
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