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Showing posts with label Phillip Yancey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Phillip Yancey. Show all posts

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Dust in the Ray



THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN IN FEBRUARY, 2015.

            I read an interesting short story the other day. It centered around a guy thinking his life was being led the “right way.” He was honorable, he was a good citizen, he was lawful. And, as such he could pass judgement on all the wrong he saw. There he was one morning, ready to take on the world when he saw it. There in the kitchen a ray of morning sunlight shone through the window. In the ray he saw thousands of particles of dust, usually invisible to his eye – in a room he knew was spotless, just like his life – and yet there it was in that ray clear for all to see. He realized in that ray his life was exposed. The ray was pure; it was God’s light. And the dust was all his arrogance and pride and judgment – he really was no better than those he’d held in judgment.

            I read that story and smiled. I got the metaphor of the ray. How odd I would “get it” in here during a week when my mind was bombarded by commentary and talking heads telling me who “loved” this country; who was law-abiding, who spoke for God. I thought all about it as I did another week inside, paying “my debt” to society for breaking the law.

            So the former mayor of New York says the President isn’t “like us.” He doesn’t love “America the way we do.” What spurred those comments? The President stated that what is happening in the Middle East is no more representative of Islam that the Klan is of Christianity. And you know, he’s right. No “religion” has morality cornered. History is replete with people doing horrible, awful things in the name of God. How often, in our visceral reaction to the beheading of a journalist or the burning alive of a Jordanian pilot, that we immediately utter how barbaric “those people” are. Yet, we forget that it wasn’t that many years ago when an angry white crowd in St. Louis threw a small black baby into a burning home; it wasn’t that many years ago when the churches in Alabama and Mississippi shielded killers – Klansmen who lynched and tortured simply because of one’s color. Do we remember how the churches in Germany were co-opted by a murderous tyrant? The ray of sunlight exposes the dirt.

            There is a tension at work between faith and devout citizenship. Too often, we think being faithful means supporting. The status quo. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote:

            “The church is not the master or servant of the state, but rather the conscience of the state. It must be the guide and critic of the state, and never its tool.”

            Put another way, civil life doesn’t necessarily equate with spiritual wellbeing. Or, as C.S. Lewis remarked, “Almost all crimes of Christian History have come about when religion is confused with politics.”

            You cannot read the New Testament, those magnificent parables in the four Gospels, and come away with a self-righteous attitude that we are good and they are bad. We care called to live in tension with society. Coziness with the state – any state – and the church may be good for the state but it is bad for the church.

            Throughout his entire adult life Jesus’ ministry was to the outcast, the downtrodden, the sick scum on the fringe. His anger, so seldom vented, was directed to who? The Pharisees – those who lived by legalistic interpretation. Jesus understood that proof of spiritual maturity is not how “pure” you live, but how aware you are of the impurity in your own life. We aren’t “pure;” we are covered in the dust. As Phillip Yancey says, “what trivial matters we obsess over, and what weighty matters of the law – justice, mercy, faithfulness – might we be missing?”

            This isn’t about Rudy Giuliani – though I wonder why when he talks about his “love” for the country he neglects to point out how over and over he sought and received military deferments to avoid service during Vietnam, how his “moral compass” didn’t preclude adultery. “You can know the law by heart without knowing the heart of it.”

            I lived a life of a legalist. I saw the world in black and white, right and wrong. Trouble is, without being right with God – and by right I mean understanding what He really is about – you can’t begin to see the wrong in yourself. “Father forgive them. They knew not what they do.” Here He is, wrongly accused, convicted, tortured, and now death’s throws and He is not calling for retribution; He isn’t even calling for justice. He is calling for mercy.

            I think a good deal about mercy – for those who wrong us; for terrorists and for those of us doing time; mercy; because we realize while we may not be “them,” we aren’t that far removed from them. That was the point being made with the adulterous woman’s accusers: “If you are free of sin, then carry out the sentence.” And the crowd, they saw the dust and dirt and grime of their own lives in the light; and they were humbled and they left.

            “Don’t the Bible say we must love everybody?”

            “O the Bible! To be sure it says a great many things;

            But, then, nobody ever thinks of doing them.”

            That dialog came from Harriet Beecher Stowe’s pre-Civil War master piece; Uncle Tom’s Cabin. One hundred and fifty years later has anything changed?

            Every day in here I deal with broken, lost, sometimes violent men. And I ask myself in moments of silent meditation, “why” – why this? Nothing the state does or can do can clean the hearts of those of us in here. Our nation can drop tons of bombs but hearts will not change. The conclusion of the adulterous woman story is revealing. After the crowd leaves only she remains with Jesus. “Woman, where are all your accusers?” “They have left.” He looks in the face of an obviously remorseful woman, a woman who has seen “the dust” of her life in the ray. “Then neither will I condemn you.”

            Why am I writing about dust? I guess because my faith journey has led me to realize Atticus Finch was right. We have to try and walk around in the other guy’s skin; we have to show empathy, mercy, kindness especially so to those who wouldn’t show it to us. For far too long I lived in the shadows of cleanliness. The light exposed the dust. Those of us who profess faith would do well to remember that when any representative of the state tries to tell us what is right.

 

Je suis … An Epiphany


THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN IN JANUARY, 2015.

 

            I was still in high school, the summer between my junior and senior year, when I came across his book. It was heavy, and complex, and difficult. And, it was mesmerizing in its descriptions of inhumanity and tyranny and evil. It was, it remains, profound and etched in my memory. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn’s “Gulag Archipelago” transfixed me with its honest, brutal portrayal of life in the Soviet labor camp system.

            Solzhenitsyn let the west, let humanity know the truth about Stalin’s Soviet Union. While many here and in Western Europe glamourized the communist system, Mr. Solzhenitsyn issued a frank rebuttal. “It is a lie.” His book, smuggled out of the USSR and published in English stands as a testament to the words, “the pen is mightier than the sword.”

            Andrew Bacevich, a college professor and veteran from the Vietnam War lost his son in Iraq. He said,

            “A people untouched (or seemingly untouched) by war are far less likely to care about it. Persuaded that they have no skin in the game, they permit the state to do whatever it wishes to do.”

            Bacevich was responding to the American public’s “rah rah” attitude when it comes to this nation sending its young men – and women – in harm’s way. The vast majority of Americans know no one in the military (there are less than 2 million Americans in the armed services) yet we regularly allow our leaders to send those same men and women into combat; we allow this nation to be bankrupted fiscally and morally by defense spending that is 10 times what Russia spends, 7 times what China spends, and more than the next 30 nations after us spend combined. And, as I read Mr. Bacevich’s statement, I can’t help but think changing one word is also a profound truth:

            “A people untouched … by prison are far less likely to care about it.”

            Who in this country, who in this state, really cares what happens behind the walls and fences? After all “bad people” go to prison.

            “Je suis Charlie.” A few weeks ago, fourteen employees of the French satiric magazine “Charlie Hebdo” were murdered by Islamic fanatics. The reason? They dared portray the Prophet Mohammad in a satirical light. “Charlie Hebdo” crosses a great many lines – they were crude and extremely disrespectful to religion (and not just Islam). Many of their cartoons were borderline obscene. And yet, following the massacre western Europe and America rose as one in a chorus that said “Je suis Charlie” – “I am Charlie” – you cannot stop free expression. What a profound and powerful response to those who seek to curtail words … and what hypocrisy.

            “I was just a guy in Georgia writing what I thought.” Erick Erickson, founder of the blog, “Red State.”

            Over five years ago, I began writing for this blog as a way of witnessing to anyone who cared to read my journey inside. I had gone from a seemingly picture-perfect “American dream” life to an alien world, a world where right was wrong, up was down, and the process just continued to churn. I met men and women who I never even knew existed in my “America.” I saw evil, heartbreak, and moments of pure decency that restored my faith. All of it was – and always had been – part of the world I knew but I chose to ignore it.            I decided to blog with a few basic rules. First, I would always tell the truth. I don’t care if people agree with me; at least they know what I write is honest. Second, I would never “out” an inmate – or officer. I write character composites – multiple people rolled into one – to move stories forward. The names – my creations.

            Christian writer Phillip Yancey said in describing the prophets of the Bible,

            “For writers and others who seek to impart wisdom, there is a time to be a good (a prod to action) and a time to be a firmly embedded nail.”

            People stumble across this blog all the time and respond in a myriad of ways. I have been praised and cursed; told I am brilliant and that I deserve this time and more. I have been accused of disclosing too much about my personal life, too much about what happens here. I have been threatened by inmates and cautioned by officers. A federal prosecutor and FBI agents told me they read the blog. I know the facility – DOC - monitors it. Anonymous “notes” have been dropped on me … all because of some words I put together and mailed out to a blog.

            “Individuals and societies are not helpless victims of heredity. We have the power to change – not by “looking down” to nature but “up” to God, who consistently calls us forward to become the people we were designed to be.” Phillip Yancey.

            Much is wrong with America’s love affair with prisons. Many of the men, and women behind bars – while law breakers, didn’t – and still don’t – deserve to be incarcerated. States – and the Federal government – violate basic human rights daily in their operation of prisons and treatment of prisoners. It is a horrible, money-wasting, life destroying system that needs immediate attention.

            “You can judge a society by how it treats its prisoners.” Fyodor Dostoyevsky

            How do we, as Americans, answer Dostoyevsky? How do we, as Christians, respond to Jesus’ parable in Matthew 25?

            “Je suis ______” I am. I am a middle-aged, divorced, convicted felon who lives each day knowing I lost a wonderful wife, a great career, friends, wealth, and privilege. And, I am now witness to the mindless destruction and waste, the fraud and hubris that is America’s criminal justice system. I have met men who are not part of the American dream who live with their families outside the mainstream with bad schools, housing, healthcare, and economic opportunities. I see it all, I hear it all, and I write. And …

            I will continue to write about it regardless of the powers that be who are uncomfortable with it. Je suis … Larry. Just because you are locked up doesn’t mean your voice doesn’t count.