Je suis … An Epiphany

THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN IN JANUARY, 2015.

 

            I was still in high school, the summer between my junior and senior year, when I came across his book. It was heavy, and complex, and difficult. And, it was mesmerizing in its descriptions of inhumanity and tyranny and evil. It was, it remains, profound and etched in my memory. Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn’s “Gulag Archipelago” transfixed me with its honest, brutal portrayal of life in the Soviet labor camp system.

            Solzhenitsyn let the west, let humanity know the truth about Stalin’s Soviet Union. While many here and in Western Europe glamourized the communist system, Mr. Solzhenitsyn issued a frank rebuttal. “It is a lie.” His book, smuggled out of the USSR and published in English stands as a testament to the words, “the pen is mightier than the sword.”

            Andrew Bacevich, a college professor and veteran from the Vietnam War lost his son in Iraq. He said,

            “A people untouched (or seemingly untouched) by war are far less likely to care about it. Persuaded that they have no skin in the game, they permit the state to do whatever it wishes to do.”

            Bacevich was responding to the American public’s “rah rah” attitude when it comes to this nation sending its young men – and women – in harm’s way. The vast majority of Americans know no one in the military (there are less than 2 million Americans in the armed services) yet we regularly allow our leaders to send those same men and women into combat; we allow this nation to be bankrupted fiscally and morally by defense spending that is 10 times what Russia spends, 7 times what China spends, and more than the next 30 nations after us spend combined. And, as I read Mr. Bacevich’s statement, I can’t help but think changing one word is also a profound truth:

            “A people untouched … by prison are far less likely to care about it.”

            Who in this country, who in this state, really cares what happens behind the walls and fences? After all “bad people” go to prison.

            “Je suis Charlie.” A few weeks ago, fourteen employees of the French satiric magazine “Charlie Hebdo” were murdered by Islamic fanatics. The reason? They dared portray the Prophet Mohammad in a satirical light. “Charlie Hebdo” crosses a great many lines – they were crude and extremely disrespectful to religion (and not just Islam). Many of their cartoons were borderline obscene. And yet, following the massacre western Europe and America rose as one in a chorus that said “Je suis Charlie” – “I am Charlie” – you cannot stop free expression. What a profound and powerful response to those who seek to curtail words … and what hypocrisy.

            “I was just a guy in Georgia writing what I thought.” Erick Erickson, founder of the blog, “Red State.”

            Over five years ago, I began writing for this blog as a way of witnessing to anyone who cared to read my journey inside. I had gone from a seemingly picture-perfect “American dream” life to an alien world, a world where right was wrong, up was down, and the process just continued to churn. I met men and women who I never even knew existed in my “America.” I saw evil, heartbreak, and moments of pure decency that restored my faith. All of it was – and always had been – part of the world I knew but I chose to ignore it.            I decided to blog with a few basic rules. First, I would always tell the truth. I don’t care if people agree with me; at least they know what I write is honest. Second, I would never “out” an inmate – or officer. I write character composites – multiple people rolled into one – to move stories forward. The names – my creations.

            Christian writer Phillip Yancey said in describing the prophets of the Bible,

            “For writers and others who seek to impart wisdom, there is a time to be a good (a prod to action) and a time to be a firmly embedded nail.”

            People stumble across this blog all the time and respond in a myriad of ways. I have been praised and cursed; told I am brilliant and that I deserve this time and more. I have been accused of disclosing too much about my personal life, too much about what happens here. I have been threatened by inmates and cautioned by officers. A federal prosecutor and FBI agents told me they read the blog. I know the facility – DOC - monitors it. Anonymous “notes” have been dropped on me … all because of some words I put together and mailed out to a blog.

            “Individuals and societies are not helpless victims of heredity. We have the power to change – not by “looking down” to nature but “up” to God, who consistently calls us forward to become the people we were designed to be.” Phillip Yancey.

            Much is wrong with America’s love affair with prisons. Many of the men, and women behind bars – while law breakers, didn’t – and still don’t – deserve to be incarcerated. States – and the Federal government – violate basic human rights daily in their operation of prisons and treatment of prisoners. It is a horrible, money-wasting, life destroying system that needs immediate attention.

            “You can judge a society by how it treats its prisoners.” Fyodor Dostoyevsky

            How do we, as Americans, answer Dostoyevsky? How do we, as Christians, respond to Jesus’ parable in Matthew 25?

            “Je suis ______” I am. I am a middle-aged, divorced, convicted felon who lives each day knowing I lost a wonderful wife, a great career, friends, wealth, and privilege. And, I am now witness to the mindless destruction and waste, the fraud and hubris that is America’s criminal justice system. I have met men who are not part of the American dream who live with their families outside the mainstream with bad schools, housing, healthcare, and economic opportunities. I see it all, I hear it all, and I write. And …

            I will continue to write about it regardless of the powers that be who are uncomfortable with it. Je suis … Larry. Just because you are locked up doesn’t mean your voice doesn’t count.

Gideon at 50

March 18^th marked the 50^th anniversary of one of the seminal cases in U.S. Constitutional law. Gideon defined the rights defendants have to counsel after arrest. The decision created a seismic shift in American criminal jurisprudence. That it began with one semi-literate, itinerant man and a letter to the U.S. Supreme Court made the case even more astounding.

            Gideon was a fifty-something, white male who’d spent too much of his life behind bars, going in and out for months – and years – at a time. He was accused of a break in. At his arraignment he asked the court to appoint him a lawyer. The Florida judge denied his request. Florida – as did most states in the early 1960’s believed the 6^th Amendment right to counsel (for indigent defendants) only applied to serious (i.e. Capital or life sentence) felonies.

            Without counsel, Gideon stood no chance. He was convicted and shipped back to prison. From his prison cell he wrote in poor grammar a heartfelt letter to the United States Supreme Court which landed on Justice Abe Fortis’s desk. Gideon said, “I am a poor, innocent man who asked the judge to give me a lawyer so I could clear my name …”

            Gideon’s case was accepted by the Court and one of America’s most prestigious law firms was appointed to argue his case. And it happened, the United States Supreme Court agreed with Mr. Gideon. Any time a criminal defendant is faced with a loss of freedom (i.e. jail or prison) the right to counsel exists.

            Gideon was supposed to change the landscape of criminal justice in America. The Court understood that the power of the State (or federal government) to take a person’s freedom was so significant and that the right to be “innocent until proven guilty” so important that citizens – regardless of their financial ability – are entitled to adequate, legal representation.

            Gideon was a remarkable statement on the power of the individual, the rights of the accused, in the face of a larger, more powerful state seeking to take his freedom. But, Gideon has failed to live up to its words.

            There perhaps is no more lonely feeling than standing before the judge’s bench to hear charges read against you. And, no matter what the law says about “innocent until proven guilty,” there is an almost immediate, visceral public reaction that says “the guy is guilty.” After all the police would never arrest the wrong person; prosecutors would never let ego or politics, or the public’s bloodlust dictate how a case was handled.

            The truth is, police and prosecutors lie, cheat, and steal just like the criminals; the issue usually isn’t about justice, it’s about getting a conviction. The state has virtually unlimited power and money to prosecute a defendant.

            Second, money matters. If you have resources and can mount a defense, the odds of you receiving a more favorable plea deal – or acquittal – grow. The system takes advantage of the poor, the uneducated, the gullible. The law allows the police to lie during their interrogation of a suspect.

            Third, the law is a highly technical field. The average citizen doesn’t understand what elements the state must prove to get a conviction. The average citizen doesn’t understand that being helpful and answering questions truthfully usually leads to words being twisted. The average citizen doesn’t realize that rights exist – not at the allowance of the government like a privilege – from God and are a specific, direct limitation on the power of government.

            Gideon has failed because we live in a country where more people are incarcerated than during Stalin’s days in the Soviet Union. Gideon has failed because lawyers get overwhelmed with huge numbers of indigent defendants. Lawyers cut deals without investigating a case because there’s no money in defending a poor person.

            Gideon has failed because America is a nation of a “gotcha” news reporting. We exercise schadenfraude judgment, gleefully, smugly basking in other’s failures and arrest.

            I have met hundreds of men who – had a less overwhelmed attorney handled their case instead of a young public defender with a plea deal at the arraignment – with adequate, caring defense counsel would not be in here.

            Gideon was an amazing, profound statement about what America believed justice should be. That the country failed so miserably to live up to that ideal is a scarlet mark on this nation.

 

An Immigrant's Tale

I have a friend in here named Omar and I call him “O man.” Funny, one of the closest friends I had outside was a guy at work I nicknamed “O man.” Then, I was arrested and like so many others, he fell off the map. I learned a lot about the real meaning of friendship and commitment after my arrest. Those are great words, but they don’t mean much until everything is on the line and you find yourself alone. The few who stick it out, you soon discover, teach you what friendship is all about.

            I don’t overuse the word friend anymore. So, when I say someone is a friend, I’ve made a determination that they can be trusted, that they’re in line with my values, my views, and they are at least trying to move forward. With those gut feeling standards in place, I can think of only five men in this environment whom I can call friend. Ironically, that’s about the same number outside who have hung in there through this midlife correction.

            This blog isn’t about friendship; it’s about Omar’s story and its relevance to today’s headlines. Omar is thirty-three and has been incarcerated since he was seventeen. If things remain as is with no change in goodtime earning levels, he will leave DOC custody in 2019. Omar was born in Chesterfield County. His parents are naturalized U.S. citizens, having earned their citizenship in the late 1980s. And that’s where the story begins.

            Before Omar was born, first his father and then his mother fled El Salvador. During the 1970s, that nation was engaged in an East-West proxy war. Communist rebels battled government troops. There were right-wing paramilitary death squads that went out at night and summarily executed regime opponents. In the mountainous rural areas of the country, the Communist leaning rebels exerted their influence and used violence and fear to intimidate the population.

            In all our debates and name calling about “illegals” and America’s immigration policy, we tend to hear very little about the people who come here. Why would they risk their lives and their stability to come to America? I tell the college guys they need to develop empathy and see struggles and difficulties through the other man’s eyes. America needs a lesson in empathy.

            Omar’s parents, a young couple with two small children, had had enough. Their children needed a chance to live in peace and prosperity. They left their two small children in San Salvador and made the dangerous trek north to America. That’s right, his parents came here illegally.

            They settled in Chesterfield County and began making a new life for themselves. They both worked hard, paid taxes (ironic isn’t it? Illegals pay taxes and social security). They sent for their two young children and had a third, Omar, a natural born U.S. citizen. And, they lived with the knowledge that it could all be lost if they were found out.

            America did a strange thing. It elected – not once, but twice – a former movie actor turned conservative champion. Ronald Reagan, the darling of 21^st century Republicans and Tea Party activists, saw a need to solve the immigration problem and his solution was positively radical. He gave illegals an avenue for citizenship. People like Omar’s parents who’d come here illegally yet began to build lives, pay taxes, and live the American dream, were given an opportunity to become citizens.

            Was it strange that Reagan – the man who brought the “Evil Empire” (the Soviet Union) to its knees – would be creator of this plan? No. Reagan believed America was the “shining city on the hill” (a beautiful biblical reference). People came here because they believed in the dream of America. Omar was there as a little boy when his mother and father – after months of English and civics lessons (learning things most natural born citizens don’t know) – stood in the main Federal courtroom in Richmond and took their oath of citizenship.

            Omar took a wrong turn at seventeen. He committed a series of armed robberies which gave him more than twenty years behind bars. When we first started talking he told me how much regret he felt. “My folks risked everything to come here for my brother and sister and then me. They wanted a good life, but I let them down.” And yet, like millions of families in this country, they have stood by their son. America, is after all, a land of second chances.

            I thought about Omar’s family as I watched the recent political go round over immigration. I’ve met dozens of men in here whose families came to this country illegally to find a better life. As these men do their time, their families wait and wonder: Will he be sent back? Will our secret be discovered?

            I don’t know what the answer is, but I know this: the immigrants have more faith in America than Americans do. They believe this country is a land of opportunity. They believe anyone here can start anew. We need immigrants. We need people who will say your economic level, your nationality, or your record will not keep you from being a productive member of society.

            My mother is two generations removed from men who came to this country in steerage from Italy. They entered at Ellis Island and clearing that hurdle they were automatically citizens. There was no seven year wait, or debate about locking the border. We forget that. We have always been a nation of transplants, people who left home and family, sometimes disgrace, for a second chance.

            What does this blog have to do with prison? Try this: America holds itself out to a higher ideal. We are the land of second chances, the land where you can get a new opportunity. It’s time we as a nation start living up to our ideal. For the vast majority of immigrants – legal and illegal – and for the vast majority of the incarcerated – America’s ideals are our only hope.

            We can be the shining city on the hill or we can be just another country. That is what the debate of immigration – or prison reform for that matter – is really all about.

Oh What A Week

Every day, every week, things happen in here that give me pause, and make me challenge long held assumptions.  This week was no exception.

Mid-week we had a fairly brutal fight in here.  One guy ended up going on a medical run the next day:  broken orbital bone.  No one knows what started it.  “Sife” a young, small Muslim with horned-rim glasses fought Tee – a 6’3” muscular black guy.  It was 5:45 pm, fifteen minutes before count, and all hell broke loose.  Chairs went flying and fists, arms and legs hitting flesh and bone could be heard.  A few fellow Muslim inmates jumped in to break it up.  The floor CO:  Ms. West, a sweet, Rollie Pollie country gal hit the “panic button” and ran toward the fight.  Tee slipped off to the rear of the building and his bunk.  In less than one minute our building was packed with 30 officers as radios blasted “fight in 4A.  Cease all movement on the compound!”

“Get to your bunk.  Hold your hands out.”  A dozen officers came down the aisles looking at hands – and faces – for evidence of fighting.  “Chase”, a quiet black Muslim who sleeps across from me was pulled out of line.  There was blood on his sleeve (he’d pulled Sife out of the fight).  He and Sife headed with officers to the watch commander’s office.  Tee, meanwhile – hid out.

An hour later two sergeants entered the building.  They proceeded directly to Tee’s bunk.  The “eye in the sky” Id’d Tee.  He left and Chase returned.  Sife went to the hospital.  Upon his return he found himself in an isolation cell next to Tee.  Both men will do 10 days in the hole for fighting.  They probably are out of the college program.

I don’t understand fighting.  I never have and am more convinced than ever nothing good comes of them. I see more fights in a week in here than I did in my entire adult life.  I’m sure there is a better way.

Then, there was the pie caper on Thursday night.  IG managed to scrounge up ten or twelve apples from guys sneaking them out of chow.  He began making pie crusts (the famous crushed cookies crust) while his side kick, Mustafa, peeled and diced.  They forgot one thing:  the CO on the floor that night was Barksdale.  Besides liking to watch guys shower (now known as “pulling a Sandusky”), he also likes sneaking up on inmates and busting them.  There was no lookout for Mustafa as he sliced and diced.  There went the apples; there went Mustafa to the watch commander.

Now there are four cooked pie crusts.  Big S says “IG, let’s eat them.  They’re nothing but cookies.”  Great idea!  IG, Markees and Big S start chowing down.  Here comes Barksdale.  “That’s contraband.  That’s conspiracy to destroy evidence.”  Off those three guys go to the watch commander.

An hour later all four are back, no charges filed.  “They asked if we were making wine. ‘No’ we said; ‘Pies’, Big S piped up.  The Lt on duty was ticked off:  ticked off that so much food made it out of the chow hall, under the noses of her CO’s.  But she was also ticked that an officer was wasting her time over cookie crumbs.

The next night, Barksdale’s shift ended.  To celebrate, IG made apple pies!

There’s an update on Mustafa’s case.  Last week, I detailed his medical problems and the resulting “unauthorized drug” conviction.  On Mustafa’s behalf, I filed a grievance against the assistant warden alleging 1) violation of Mustafa’s due process rights by assessing additional penalties – loss of visitation and telephone use – not part of his charge conviction; and 2) retaliation for his family seeking medical care for him.

Less than a day after the grievance was filed Mustafa heard from the operations officer and medical.  “The additional penalties were improperly assessed and will be immediately withdrawn”, and “you are scheduled for follow up medical care on 1/4/12.”  Score one for the inmates!  Mustafa called his folks after showing me the responses. 

Then there’s the strange victory enjoyed by Faheem this week. Faheem is a young Muslim inmate.  A great kid:  quiet, polite, hard-working.  He’s twenty-five, a former Army tank driver (The VA, to their credit, provides some services for incarcerated vets), who is three years into a five year sentence for ecstasy distribution.

Faheem does just about any job that comes along.  He’s the building painter, but can be counted on to fill in on laundry, bathroom cleaning and, when needed, trash detail.

And that’s where the story gets interesting.  Our building has a new shift sergeant:  Horn.  That name may sound familiar.  He’s the same sergeant who fought – and choked out – an inmate a month ago in “2 building”.  So they moved him to our building.  They say the trains run on time in a dictatorship.  It’s true.  Our building runs – on time – with Sgt. Horn here.  But he is vindictive, arbitrary, and dishonest; everything that is dangerous in a corrections officer.

A few weeks back, Faheem went outside for 8:00 am rec.  When he came back in he was called to the watch commander’s office and presented with a 100 series charge.  “Failure to perform work as ordered.  Sergeant Horn told you to take the trash out.  Plead guilty and we’ll fine you $12.00 (oh yeah, and not mentioned, the warden will then try and drop your good time earning level).”  Faheem refused to plead guilty and asked for my help in preparing a defense.

Here’s what we “discovered”.  The charge said the Sergeant ordered him to take the trash out at 7:45 am.  Funny, but the Sarge never arrived and signed in to the building until 8:55 am.  Even the hearing officer (supposedly “objective” yet the system is rigged against the inmates much like the kangaroo court structure in the Soviet Union dealt with dissidents) was forced to find Faheem “not guilty” and noted on her decision “the charging officer could not possibly have ordered the offender.”

So, Faheem won.  And Sgt. Horn?  He told Faheem “I’ll have your job before long and you’ll be on food stamps.”  It’s not over.  I’m preparing a letter for Faheem to the Regional Director.  Just because we’re in here doesn’t give men like Sgt. Horn the right to make charges up and screw with a man’s life.

The crazy thing about all I’ve written is this kind of stuff happens every day, every week in here.  If that’s not reason enough for prison reform, I don’t know what is.