Leaven Causes Blindness

One blessing of being in this place is I’ve had to confront many of the prejudices I carried through my life as I interact with all types of men I frankly thought were beneath me. As I face these issues, I’ve come across numerous Bible stories that bring home the hypocrisy of my life. Ironically, the more I read, the more I realize we live lives that ignore what God sees. We see color, we see differences; we feel intellectually superior. God sees His children.



If anyone would have told me I’d learn life lessons from “convicts” I’d have thought they were crazy. Yet, as I watch these men deal day in and day out deal with disappointment, I learn patience. Character, I always believed, comes through in times of trial and crisis. If that’s true, I have seen more character exhibited in these past three years than in my entire life. The same goes for compassion. I have watched men with little share all they have.


In one of the Gospel stories Jesus, as he was accustomed to doing, warned his disciples against the leaven of the Pharisees. Leaven, yeast, the blowing up of our lives in hypocrisy and self-delusion. He was warning His followers that hypocrites put on a good show, but eventually all their sins will be revealed.


I ponder that lesson a good deal in here. I was one of the Pharisees in a manner of speaking. I was a “good” church elder, active in community service, a “good” employee – really a big fish in a little pond. I had, from outside appearances a perfect home life: attractive wife, two wonderful sons, big house, travel, money. And, it was easy to cast judgment on others. After all, I made it, why can’t they.


But, I had a dark side. I was stealing from my employer and boosting my own ego by throwing money at family and friends to get what I craved. And, like Jesus said, all my sins were revealed and the life I’d built was really a house of cards.


The “perfect” marriage; that disintegrated the day I was arrested. All my “soulmate” really wanted, really kept me around for, was the money and stuff. My side of the bed wasn’t even cold and she was filling out questionnaires on date sites (apparently there were some “out” clauses in our vows I overlooked). And my kids? In their eyes, I was replaceable. Everything I held up as evidence of my moral superiority and self-worth lay in ruin. The “loaf” that was my life had risen with bad yeast.


Then I came in to “the system” and I started meeting the “dregs” of society, the “bad guys”, the “failures”, all those people I looked down on. And a funny thing happened along the way. My eyes were suddenly opened to the decency of these “scumbags”, and the darkness in my “perfect” world.


I received a copy of a recent sermon delivered by a minister as part of his Lenten series (it wasn’t from my church family. They dropped me soon after my arrest. All those “good” church people delivered meals to my wife but only three ever bothered to visit or write. Not one ever spoke to my wife about God’s view of marriage). His sermon was about Jesus giving sight to a blind man.


His disciples asked if the man – blind since birth – was that way because of his parents’ sins. Funny how we equate bad circumstances as “Karma” – “he must have done something to deserve that.” Instead, Jesus turns things on their head and, in effect said, the reason he’s blind isn’t important. But, watch how God heals him. In a matter of minutes the man sees. God has made him whole.


But, his community rejected him. They rejected him because their perception of him was different than the reality of what God saw, and what God can do.


Many days I sit here in awe of the lessons I learn from these men. During these very difficult past few months as I struggled over the correspondence exchange with my ex, it was guys in here who came by with a kind word. My “friends” from home? They had to remain “neutral” and not appear to be giving any aid or comfort to me. After all, my ex has a new boyfriend who’s now part of the circle!


I received a card the other night from a friend. In it he told the story of a minister who asked members of his congregation to list on a piece of paper their top three hopes for their life. As the congregation finished writing, he told them to draw a line through their items because “none of them will happen”. As the crowd grew uneasy and sad he told them “Hope is what is left when all of the things we hoped for do not come true. Hope with a capital “H” is in you, and gives you life and the will to go on trusting God.”


I have a list and my list is in tatters. Everything I hoped for has been lined out. Yet, I see clearly now. I see people for what they are. The young inmate, back in prison for his second bid, covered in tattoos, yet he stops by to check on me or he shares a meal with someone worse off, he is closer to a Christ like man than I ever was. He sees what mercy, compassion and kindness are all about.


My family or my friends? They are so much like the community that pushed the man – with sight restored – away, their sins are still hidden.


I see now how my life really wasn’t that great. I see now that even those who look differently, act differently, have a capacity for love, forgiveness and mercy beyond what I ever experienced.


I see the danger of the leavening. None of us are really “good”. Oh, some may try harder than others, but as Mother Teresa admitted, we all sin. We all treat others in a way we wouldn’t want to be treated.


What I learned in here is, God can do anything. He can make the blind see – and a self-absorbed arrogant man learn humility, mercy and hope.