If I Had a Million Dollars

The other night I was flipping through the TV channels when I came across a pleasant surprise. There on the music TV station was a concert, “The Barenaked Ladies, live in Detroit, Michigan”. If you aren’t familiar with BNL, they are a great Canadian band doing music somewhere between the Eagles, John Mayer and Dave Matthews. They have a great, soft rock presence with acoustic guitars; stand up bass, an occasional banjo and great lyrics. Their songs hit all the right feelings of despair over a relationship breakup as well as humorous stuff. They are a great band!



Their biggest hit was a song called “If I Had a Million Dollars” with a guy telling his girl what he’d buy her with the money. It’s funny and rhythmic and the kind of song I sang along to as I sat in my bunk.


That tune also got me thinking about my views of money and how all that’s changed since I’ve been in here. I didn’t steal to buy flashy cars or clothes. I paid my bills on time, saved money from my pay for a max contribution to my 401K, put money away for my kid’s college and stole and spent $2 million showering my family and friends with gifts, trips, picking up the tab for airfare and meals. I was Santa Claus. The strange thing, I did it because psychologically I thought I had to be all things to everyone to get them to love and appreciate me. Ironically, after my arrest I soon realized all those people I gave things to to love and appreciate me in fact were going to do neither. I was an embarrassment; I was expendable.


In my younger days money didn’t mean much to me. I wanted a cabin in the mountains, books, a typewriter (you’d have to be fifty to understand that) and someone to love. Funny how life goes full circle.


All the guys in here want to know is why didn’t I buy a Bentley or a Benz. Why I didn’t use the money to buy beautiful women. Ideas about love, loyalty, commitment are alien to them. Hard work gets you nothing. Commitment to a spouse, “for better or worse” gets you divorced and “doing your bid” while those you love live off your efforts. I am pitied and scoffed at for being so naïve.


“Of course the courts aren’t fair…”


“Of course she’d leave you. You were just dumb enough to think a ring matters…”


“At the end of the day, even your homies sell you out…”


I refuse to accept that. What this experience has taught me is money doesn’t matter. It’s not the car you drive or flying first class. It is about where your heart lies.


But, if I did have a million dollars, I’d be a whole lot better off financially….