Liar Liar

This week two of the administration top dogs were caught in lies.  I have to tread lightly here because lying became a way of life for me when it came to the money I was stealing.  It was very easy for me to be a faithful, loving husband – on the one hand – and keep my thefts secret from the woman I loved.  Compartmentalizing became easy…for a time.  By 2008, I was so full of self-loathing for what I was doing I was hoping I’d literally die.  The lies, it seemed, were killing me.

I discovered once all the lies were out, that I could deal with honesty a whole lot easier than running through my lies.  But, honesty it seems has a price.  We talk about honesty, but most of us don’t like the truth being shined on us.

Most guys in prison run lies.  They become “whoever” they wanted to always be.  It’s like George Costanza would say on “Seinfeld”, “It’s not a lie if you believe it’s true”.  How else do you explain a guy with a second grade education and missing teeth who will tell you with a straight face he “drove a Bentley” and “poured Moet on a room full of dancers.”  I was living the big life with the money I stole and I still drove a Saturn. But, I’m sympathetic to our proclivity to lie.  Everyone lies.  From the moment Adam told God that first fib in the Garden of Eden (“what apple core?”) we all lie; that is the truth.  The other truth is:  all lies get exposed eventually.

Which leads me to this week at the “burg”.  Two incidents involving administration lies and then an officer comment after my visit this week proved my point.  In the first, “Stewie” had arranged a special visit for his grandfather.  Special visits are arranged through the warden.  If you have family more than 100 miles away, who visit only once a year, you can request “special” status.  They can visit any day (both days on weekends). 

Stewie’s grandfather is from Philly.  He comes down once a year on the way to a family reunion.  Gramps called the warden’s office who then sent Stewie a paper “VI approved for Tue. 6/28”.  No problem right?  Except Stewie thought the warden was the slimy tall guy in the Florida State golfshirt.  So Stewie has the following conversation with Assistant Warden Sunshine:

“Thank you sir for approving my grandfather’s visit.”

“I didn’t approve any visit.”
“Aren’t you the warden?”
“No.  And my staff won’t be tied up in a special visit.”

The next night Stewie received a memo from the Asst. Warden.  “Special VI request denied”.  Stewie called his grandfather who then called DOC HQ in Richmond.  The visit was magically reset.

So, on the 28^th Stewie spent three hours with his grandfather.  He hugs him and his grandfather leaves.  As Stewie’s leaving the visitation room the Asst. Warden is by the Major’s office. 

“This wouldn’t have happened if your grandfather had actually called us to arrange the visit.”

“But he did call.”
“No he didn’t.  The warden never spoke to your grandfather.”

And that’s when the Major’s secretary stepped around the corner with a copy of the “approval form”.  She said, “Yes – Asst. Warden – the warden did approve it and you even received a copy of it.  It’s here in the folder.”

The Asst. Warden turned beet red.  He was embarrassed and humiliated.  It’s bad enough he’s an arrogant, self-righteous SOB.  But, he’s also a liar.  DOC wants guys to follow the rules then they lie through their teeth.  Guys in prison already think they’re getting screwed.  Good job Asst. Warden!

Then, there’s our “treatment head”.  This sniveling jerk is embarrassed by his receding hairline so he wears a Virginia Tech hat all day, inside or outside.  “Treatment” is that Orwellian term DOC uses to describe their counselors:  the people who conduct annual reviews.

As I wrote a week ago, our new “leadership” decided DOP 830.0 was irrelevant.  The Asst. Warden advised his treatment head “any charge and we drop good time earning level”.  Here’s the thing – the counselors know it’s wrong and they’ve told the guys “you need to fight this”.

What does “treatment head” do?  He stands in front of a group of guys and tells them two bold faced lies:  “DOC has been doing this for three years”, and “the DOP allows the warden to change good time for any reason”.

He forgot one thing – I have a copy of the “old” DOP and the “new” DOP (effective 8/1/2010).  I hi-light the document, including effective dates and the seven specific grounds for good time overrides and in the middle of these irate inmates I hand it to him.  I ask him “you ever heard of the Nuremberg trials?  Just following orders is no defense.”

His balding head turned beet red and he stormed out of the building.

The counselors are the people inmates turn to for advice and counsel on education, treatment programs, home plans, personal/family issues.  If the inmates think they can’t be trusted, hope for successful rehabilitation is jeopardized.  Treatment head’s behavior has significant ramifications.

Which takes me to leaving the visiting room today.  After a visit, when our guests head out the front, out to freedom and real life, we head to a changing area to be strip searched (little hint – there’s no such thing as modesty in prison).  The two officers in charge in the back were H & S, both good guys.  They do their jobs, don’t hassle anyone, and have the respect of the inmate population.  After Smith made me “squat and cough” he handed me back my boxers and I began to get dressed.  He speaks up “Heh, whatta ya think of your lawyer friend gettin busted?”  I know these two guys real well and I don’t play cute usually with my words so I told them I thought it was morally wrong to charge guys based on false dreams.  I then said this “may surprise you to hear me say something nice about you guys, but I feel badly for Officer D.  I went through public embarrassment, the inaccurate articles.  I don’t wish that on anyone.”

That was when H said this –

“Yeah, you did go through it.  I read every article about you on the Internet.  They said you took $4 mil to deny you bond.”  I looked at H in stunned silence.  He smiled.  “Officers always check out the population.  So many bullshitters here.  You’re one of the few guys whose words here match up.  You don’t lie about any of this.  That’s alright in my book.”

Lying.  I’m not sure how to put this, but honest isn’t always the easiest thing to be, but in the long run, there are fewer repercussions from being honest. We somehow always revert to lies – big and small – because they seem easier.

I’ve been told almost daily in here by men who genuinely care about me that I’m too honest.  “You tell people your real feelings; your real emotions; they’ll see it as a sign of weakness.”  I see just the opposite.  None of us is perfect.  And none of us can stand up to glaring scrutiny.

There’s a wonderful line in the Gospel of John about honesty.  Jesus speaks to a group of people who are challenging him saying “we are descendants of Abraham.  We have never been enslaved.”  He simply says “everyone who continues in sin is a slave to sin…and the truth shall make you free.”  The thing about those words is they came shortly after Jesus saved the adulterous woman.  “Whoever among you that is free of sin cast the first stone.”

I heard a preacher tell a funny story.  Two construction workers stopped to eat their bag lunches.  The one guy opened his bag and moaned “bologna again.  Every day the same thing:  bologna sandwich.”  His friend enjoying a turkey sandwich said, “Why don’t you just nicely ask your wife to fix you something else?”  The man hung his head.  “I’m not married.  I make my own lunch.”  The moral of the story:  most of the bologna in our lives, we put there ourselves.

Lies are like bologna.  For a few days they go down easy.  Then, they just sit in your stomach and eat away at you.  Lies cost me my wife and kids.  Lies led me to embezzle.  Is it any wonder I’m so honest now?  I wonder if the Asst. Warden and treatment head are listening.