"Lawyers, Guns, and Money" - July 13, 2010

Warren Zevon sang a great song called “Lawyers, Guns and Money” back in the 80’s about a young guy getting arrested overseas The song, like so many of Zevon’s other numbers, was sarcastic, humorous, and insightful at the same time. It got me thinking about jailhouse lawyers.



There is a rare breed of inmate who decides their “hustle” (how they make money) will be to hold themselves out as “jailhouse lawyers”. They prey on guys’ overwhelming desire to get out of prison early. Most of these jailhouse lawyers are slick, but they can neither think, nor write as a lawyer. They convince a man hanging on to hope by a thread, that for just a few hundred dollars they can get their conviction overturned.


I’ve seen some of the paperwork these legal eagles have put together. One older inmate paid $200 to a guy who filed a habeas corpus petition for him. Problem was, the “jailhouse lawyer” (a guy that hasn’t even earned his GED yet) didn’t allege any 6th Amendment ineffective assistance of counsel, which is the only basis for a prisoner habeas corpus action. The old man’s case was dismissed. I looked at it and redrafted his petition. Two days ago, he heard from the court that his case could go forward.


I’m no legal genius, just a guy who actually passed law school and practiced law. There’s a reason you need a college degree and law degree. There are few people with discipline to read and understand legal opinions.


Jailhouse lawyers are a scam. They take advantage of inmates and cause more harm than good. In the past two weeks, I’ve learned 2 habeas petitions I wrote have been granted (both men have been awarded appeals on their convictions). I also helped a man get early release by a conditional pardon.


“JL” (the pardon case) came up to me to thank me. He’s been in prison for 18 years, way too much time. He told me “you’re here for a reason, you have character and you care. There’s not much of that in prison. “


I choked up. I’m doing just what I can to provide justice to a few. Perhaps that’s what it’s about – pure, simple justice. It’s not about punishment only. No, it requires punishment, righteous punishment, and mercy, and fairness, and reconciliation.


The system is broken. Prosecutors are more interested in a conviction than justice; defense attorneys care more about “writing a deal” and moving on to the next case than what is best for the accused, the victim, society.


Yeah, the system is broken and it breeds hostility in its inmate population and disrespect for the law. Guys don’t accept responsibility for their crimes because they see how the “system” screwed them.


Having the ability to confront the system is a constant battle. I have my own habeas petition pending. The Attorney General’s Office is defending. They have an assistant AG assigned to the case, vast computer resources, and support staff. I’ve got a few worn law books, a cousin who cares enough about me to research cases I request and mail them in; I use an old Selectric typewriter and get additional research off an old Lexis database that’s only updated once a quarter.


The AG’s office requested 3 extensions of time to respond to my petition. When they finally answered – 2 days late – they bombarded me with a 40 plus page Motion to Dismiss.


I don’t mind the odds. Like David versus Goliath, I’ll persevere. I never argued that I wasn’t guilty, only that 15 years was too much for embezzling.


I’ve lost the wife I loved for over 28 years; I’ve lost all my financial security and wealth; I’ve lost my freedom. But, I haven’t lost my hope.