Pranks for the Memories - July 15, 2010

I have always been a guy who could take a joke. Good thing because my two closest friends love pulling pranks on me. It’s a weekly ritual, “screw with the old guy”.



In the past two months this comic duo has switched my locks (I spent 30 minutes working the combinations only to realize I had a different lock on my wall locker), my pants legs were tied in knots, and baby powder was dumped in my socks. I put my shoes on to head to a visit and “whoosh”, powder exploded everywhere!


I received a Mother’s Day card from these two chuckleheads. I made the mistake of telling them I was a hypochondriac. A week or so later I caught a cold. They got other guys in the building to tell me I looked like I was losing weight and was pale. I was so worried I got ready to ask for an “emergency medical pass”. Then and only then did Big S take pity on me and tell me “we’re just screwin’ with you”.


One morning I found my shoes laced backward. Another morning there was a sign telling me not to look down. I’ve had onion left in my locker.


The greatest prank, however, involved my TV. For a week I had to keep resetting my cable channels. For some strange reason a channel would be deleted. I switched cable connections and even asked one of the maintenance guys if there was a problem with the cable. Little did I know he was in on it. He had me check the back of the set for burn marks.


I’m standing on a chair checking my set, worrying about having to possibly buy a new set when Big S suddenly loses it, falling to the floor laughing. He told me when I wasn’t watching he’d manually delete a channel.


His “partner in crime” – E played right along. E was quick to point out, however, that he was “only 20%” involved in the prank. Funny, according to E, he’s only ever 20% involved!


I don’t mind the pranks. These guys truly care about me, and I care about them. We have formed a bond stronger than almost any I’ve formed with friends in the past. A good number of those “outside friends” abandoned me after my arrest. These two young men have stayed by my side every day in here.


I’ve always had a positive outlook and a good sense of humor. It’s what my ex was attracted to. I made her laugh (I knew it wasn’t my looks or sophistication). I remember one time early in our marriage she had just seen Alfred Hitchcock’s “Psycho” for the first time. She left our apartment to go to the laundry room. On her return, I jumped out, spatula in hand, yelling “eek, eek”. She dropped the laundry basket and shrieked!


It’s hard to believe that same woman would later write me after my arrest “be glad God doesn’t answer my prayers because I’ve been praying you’d die”. Sweet. Hard to believe I still love this woman. I put together a “Letterman’s Top 10” list of classic quotes from her letters. Knowing her the way I do, she’d be embarrassed by much of what she wrote. It would crack the facade she always presents about being such a loving, forgiving person.


You learn the most about people when you’re walking through your darkest tunnel. I’ve found through this experience a new sense of compassion and forgiveness I didn’t think was possible. That’s why I can honestly say I love my ex, no matter what she wrote.


Perhaps it’s an issue of faith. I wasn’t the world’s greatest husband. I lied, cheated and stole my way through much of my adult life. Yet, I took – and still take – the vow I took to that woman seriously.


I read yesterday that this week is the 50th Anniversary of the publishing of To Kill a Mockingbird. That book may be the greatest novel written. I wanted to be a lawyer because of Atticus Finch. I failed. I became a disgraced lawyer instead.


There’s a scene in the book that I often think about. Atticus is speaking to his daughter, Scout, and reminds her you can’t really know someone until you’ve walked in their shoes.


I helped a middle age man last week file for a conditional pardon. His name is “Sid” and he’s 40. Ten years ago, while drunk, he got into an altercation with his brother-in-law, who accused him of having an affair with the brother-in-law’s wife.


Words were exchanged. He was punched repeatedly. He ran to the kitchen, retrieved a knife and when his brother-in-law lunged at him, he stabbed him in the chest. Sid was convicted of murder and sentenced to 30 years. He hasn’t seen his wife or kids since his conviction (they do write often).


He is a quiet, kind man. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t regret what he did.


I wrote a pardon application for him. I wrote what I came to understand he felt. I read him the letter I wrote the Governor on his behalf. As I read, his eyes teared up. You try not to show emotions in this place, yet Sid began to cry. He hugged me and told me “you’re the first person I’ve met who understands. God bless you.”


I learned last night the Governor turned down my initial pardon request. I can re-apply July 1, 2012. I was disappointed, but not broken. God has blessed me in these circumstances. I trust in God’s unfailing love. I will see this through.


Now, if I can only survive a few more pranks!