Karma and Other Thoughts

Big S and I went out this afternoon to workout. It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and we were walking a few laps before sprints. It was the kind of Saturday afternoon I always loved; grilling, sitting on the deck, glass of wine in hand. Things were a whole lot different then.



Big S is a big believer in Karma. As I’ve written before, he really is innocent of the crime that put him in here. But, he’ll be the first to tell you he deserved to get some time. He had a great job in loss prevention with a major department store chain. He gave it all up, including a chance to be a manager with the chain to become a bounty hunter (a/k/a “The Dog” on A & E Network). He played fast and loose as a bounty hunter and thought he was untouchable. Then, he got caught up in a mess, a victim of misidentification, and he gets prison time.


I kind of buy the Karma theory. My faith tells me how you treat people, how you forgive, is how you’ll be treated and forgiven.


In my case, I knew by late October of 2007 that I was out of control. In 2006 and ten months of 2007, I had taken almost $1 million. I was buying anything I saw for people, flying first class with friends in tow every month.


I came back from a five day trip to Vegas with two friends the first week of November. I totaled up what I’d taken just that year and flipped out. I destroyed all the records I had and vowed never to take another penny.


For weeks after that while I was driving to work I’d be overwhelmed with fear that I was going to get caught. I’d start sweating and I’d cry out “God, I don’t want to go to prison; I don’t want to lose my family”. Then, I’d get to work, things would be fine and cocky me would think everything was gravy.


I made it 92 days without taking any more money. Then, I treated two friends to a Vegas “invitation only” Super Bowl party. Another five days in Vegas, round-trip airfare, rooms, meals. I was going to handle the bills on my own until my broker called. The market was going down and I needed to invest in gold, he suggested. I panicked and prepared a $30,000 check to buy into a gold fund. It was February 8, 2008. I lost hope that day. I knew I couldn’t stop. I frankly gave up. Seven months later when I was arrested, it was because an accounting clerk had seen the investment check from February and thought it looked suspicious. Karma.


Or maybe it was something more than that. I’m a firm believer that God allows things to happen sometimes for a reason. In my case, I needed to be caught; without the arrest I’d probably be dead by now. I hated who I’d become. I couldn’t even look myself in the face. I was drinking a great deal to dull the pain of realizing I had made a mess of my life.


In hindsight, getting arrested saved my life. Big S realizes this experience has taught him how to be a better father. He loves his daughter, always has. But, being apart from her makes him want to be there every moment of her life. He wants to be the father she deserves.


Me, I was thinking as I ran, about the time I taught my wife to drive a four speed stick. I was sweet and patient. I never raised my voice. It was all “more gas, less clutch sweetie”. I thought about the time when she was pregnant with our first son, how I doted over her. I almost got diabetes being so sweet!


I liked that guy. I didn’t like the guy that stole, the guy I’d become. A good number of folks wrote letters on my behalf to the judge. A few testified for me. It was a humbling experience to hear people talk about your decency when you don’t feel it and probably don’t deserve it.


Karma is OK. If you pay attention to it you can get another chance. That’s provided you act decently. Funny, but I realized while hanging with Big S today my life’s gone full circle. I only wish I could teach her to drive that four speed stick again