Karma Gets Me Again

Every time I begin feeling like the guys I’m locked up with are decent, intelligent men who’ve just had a run of bad luck, I get bombarded by a series of really stupid conversations and situations that make me remember why there are prisons. This week, I had run-ins with a number of guys who convinced me, once again, I’m the biggest idiot out there, because I risked – and lost – the most.



There’s Chris – a teacher’s aide – who is a college grad and, oh yeah, back in prison a second time for an assault conviction. He clearly has an anger issue. So how does he address his issue? He decides, in a fit of rage, to go after his bunkmate with a ballpoint pen. Now his bunkmate is a 6’5” 250 lb. black guy who bench presses right at 400 pounds. Chris is 5’10”, 190 lb. He didn’t get within two feet of his bunkmate before “BAM, BAM”, down goes Chris. He’s in the hole with a black eye, busted nose, fighting charge (which means automatic loss of job and good time). Good move Chris. Way to keep your anger in check?


There’s GT, a guy in my writing class. GT tattooed his neck with the “@” sign. Why? “It’s ghetto.” The guys in class call him “at”. He doesn’t get it. He thinks he’s going to write the greatest “gangster novel” ever, full of “pimps and ho’s, crack and bling”. When I pointed out to young Hemingway that it is “which” not “witch” he replied “spellins for white mo fo’s”. I can see it now: “and the 2025 Nobel Prize for Literature goes to At.” Problem for GT: he refuses to read. Dostoevsky, Hemingway, Hesse, Melville? “Who they?”


I had a serious discussion with Will the other day about the 1st Amendment and censorship. At issue: Will was denied access to his September issue of Playboy (men’s magazines are allowed, but particular issues are censored). Will is an absolutist when it comes to the 1st Amendment. “Anything I can read on the street, I should be able to read in here.”


I tried to explain to him that the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that inmates don’t have an absolute right to any books or magazines they want. Security, discipline, and rehabilitation are more important than an inmate’s access to porn.


That’s not acceptable to Will. Censorship is wrong. He’s an adult and if he wants to look at porn, that’s his business. Did I mention Will’s entering year six of a nine year sentence for “carnal knowledge” of his own seven year old daughter? I’m sure this is what the founding fathers had in mind when they debated the First Amendment.


Perhaps nothing showed how inane these guys can be than the uproar over the new DOC guideline on 5% mandatory withholding.


Every inmate owes something: court fees, fines or restitution. I owe no fees or fines, but the $1 million plus I owe in restitution is a real debt. DOC has now mandated that 5% of every inmate paycheck be set aside in a forced savings account. Six months prior to your release, DOC will contact the court you owe and make arrangements to send your withheld amount to them. Don’t owe anything? The money is yours on release.


Guys went ballistic! “They stealin my money. I already work for only 20 cent an hour.”


Here’s reality:


1) The 13th Amendment outlawed slavery except involving inmate work. They don’t have to pay us.


2) Work is required to earn good time.


3) Inmates owe the fines, fees, and restitution. Paying is a requirement of probation.


If DOC want to take $2.70 a month out of my check to pay down my $1 million plus restitution order, more power to them (forget the fact it will cost more than $2.70 to account for it – ah, the joy of bureaucracy!).


Guys need to get real. Want people to seriously consider prison reform, act responsibly. Setting up a payment plan while incarcerated is a step in that direction.


Karma, you’re killing me!