Chronicles Part II: "If God so loved us, we ought to love one another"

Perhaps nothing in this experience has rocked me, wounded, and scarred me as the loss of my wife. I have spent months contemplating the meaning of our divorce. Frankly, what I’ve concluded probably won’t sit well with most folks, but so be it.



As I’ve written before, I love her, always will. But, as I’ve endured this experience I realized we both had weaknesses, failings as spouses. Neither of us was perfect. We both said things we shouldn’t have said, hurt each other when we should have been a comfort. I have realized, however, that I was a pretty good husband. She can never say I didn’t love her.


We were married in the church, in a religious ceremony. We took vows, to each other and before God. We were one. Except, we really weren’t. Those vows meant something, or they were supposed to. Ultimately, in the eyes of my wife, they didn’t matter. I’m sure there is a sociologist somewhere who will offer a detailed justification for divorce. Yes, divorce is legal, but it isn’t moral, at least to those of us who believe in a higher power.


I read this week Jesus’ teaching on divorce in Mark 10. “Moses permitted it because of the hardness of your hearts.” “Hardness of your hearts,” what powerful, eye-opening words. We are all – each and every one of us – created in God’s image. And God loves each of us. He never gives up on anyone. He never divorces Himself from us even when we do the most unspeakable acts.


God continually loves us. He loves us unconditionally; loves us even when we sin. He expects the same from us, especially when we become “one” with another.


I have a minister friend who visits me. During one visit we discussed Paul’s statement in 1 Corinthian 13 about love (“it is patient, kind . . . it endures. . .”). He told me something interesting. He said: “I counsel young couples who want to use that verse in their wedding to think very carefully about that. That is a high bar. It expects you to love unconditionally, the way God does”.


Love unconditionally. That means you endure – even if your spouse cheats on you, even if she’s anorexic, or depressed, or he steals $2.1 million. You are one. Just love; in spite of the failings, you are called to love.


But, we are a throw away culture. We bail out when things get tough, when we don’t feel “happy” or “fulfilled”. We set expectations for others, yet want a free ride for ourselves.


God loves each and every one of us. We are precious in His sight. He loves the lame, the autistic, the rapist, the terrorist. He loves us even when we are nothing but self-centered, vicious bastards.


When we profess love for another we need to mean it. Look past the blemishes, the quirks, the sins.


1 John 4 describes in simple, beautiful words, our obligation.


“We love, because He first loved us. If someone says ‘I Love God’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for if you hate your brother who you see, you cannot love God, who is not seen.”


In spite of the divorce, I love my ex. I may never see her again. That’s OK. I pray for her and our sons daily. Who would have thought prison could teach you anything about love.


Somewhere up above, John Lennon’s singing. Perhaps he really was right – all you need is love.


I learned my favorite blog critic -“Dan” responded – again – to my “Dee” posting.


Dan – you’re a bright young man. Re-read the blog (s). From day 1, I accepted full responsibility. Do I think I didn’t deserve prison? No. Do I think my sentence was just? No. Do I think the criminal justice system is corrupt, broken, and lacking justice? Yes.


As for “Dee” – he was definitely guilty. But, as I pointed out in my blog. HSC had a choice. They could have done the merciful thing; they could have done the “Christian” thing, and made a difference in that man’s life. They chose otherwise.


You argue just like my oldest son!