No, this is about my oldest son graduating college today. The school he attends always graduates on Mother’s Day. My sons have always been at the forefront of my thoughts since I was arrested. This week has been especially tough.
D and I had a wonderful father-son relationship. He considered me more than a “Dad” – we were best friends. He wanted to be a husband, a father, a lawyer, just like me.
The shock of my arrest overwhelmed him. He was devastated. Everything he believed, everything he relied on was destroyed. A few weeks after my arrest, he came to see me in jail. Jail visits were “non-contact”. Simply put, you spoke to your visitor looking through Plexiglas and by use of telephone receivers that worked slightly better than two soup cans and a string. Anyway, he told me that day “Dad, I love you. We’re going to be all right”. That was 20 months ago. I haven’t seen or heard from him since.
I remember the day he was born. I held him just seconds after he entered the world. I leaned in close to him and quietly sang Bob Dylan’s “Forever Young”. That song means more to me than just about any piece of music I know. After that morning it became more ingrained in my soul.
I’ve thought about all D and I have been through. His college graduation is something I always assumed I’d be at, holding his Mom’s hand, feeling a father’s pride. But, life goes in different directions at times. Sometimes it is because we’ve allowed our pride and arrogance to get the best of us. Other times, it’s a path we wouldn’t have chosen, but outside forces cause us to go that way. Either way, we are ultimately defined by our response to those “bumps in the road”. Do we give up, or do we fight back, endure, persevere, overcome?
If I was with D, with the benefit of this experience, I’d tell him the following:
- Your graduation is a special day, a wonderful accomplishment. Enjoy it, but remember the people who helped get you to this point. Nothing, no one’s life, occurs in a vacuum.
- You have two parents who love you. Your Mom picked up the slack in ways she probably shouldn’t have had to; but she did it willingly. You have a younger brother who looks up to you. You have a responsibility now to be the best you can for him.
- There are a lot of people who haven’t had the same opportunities you have. Always remember that and give folks a break. Help when you can. Compassion, kindness and empathy count for more than any amount of money or fame.
- People make mistakes. They screw up, disappoint, let you down. But, a real friend stands by, no matter what. Ultimately, we all fall short of the mark, we all sin, we all hurt people we love. How you accept those who hurt you says more about you than any single trait in your character.
- Love and forgiveness matter more than anything. Real love can overcome any failure, any hurt. People talk about love, but real love doesn’t fail. It struggles, it fights, it overcomes.
- Forgiveness. You were raised in a family that believed God forgives completely. You are required to do the same.
If I was with him, I’d tell him these things. I’d hug him, kiss him and make sure he knew I loved him. Happy Graduation Son!
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