Quirky, just Quirky - May 22, 2010

Living in close proximity to so many men in this dormitory environment you soon realize everyone has an idiosyncrasy or two. We all like things done certain ways; we all repeat certain behaviors, whether it’s folding a shirt or making a bunk. But, some guys are just off the chain quirky.



I originally thought I was one of “those quirky guys”. After all, my need for organization borders on OCD. For example, my friends in here screw with me because I insist on having my footlocker lined up exactly straight with the bunk frame. I line my shoes up the same way. These guys “bump” the stuff while I’m at work. I come in and get red faced, muttering under my breath while I get everything lined back up.


But, this is minor in comparison to some of these guys. There’s “Double O” who insists on bringing his personal “spork” to chow each day. It’s not because he thinks the chow hall sporks aren’t clean; no, he just “likes” the way food tastes on his spork. Here’s the thing – his “better tasting spork” is identical to the ones used in the chow hall. Yet, I’ve seen him get out of line at chow and walk all the way back to the dorm to retrieve his spork before he’d ever consider getting a tray.


Then there’s “Flo” (nicknamed because he’s from Florida) who keeps his bunk area in the “Fred Sanford motif”. Flo refuses to throw anything away – toilet paper tubes, empty peanut butter jars, scraps of paper, magazines. Crap is piled up from the floor to his bunk frame and jammed in every crevice on his bunk and locker. He gives the appearance of trying to be profiled in A & E’s “hoarders” series (how many empty plastic peanut butter jars are enough for any inmate?).


The leader in “quirkdom” however, is “Clyde”. He is in a category of his own. Clyde strips his bed and washes his sheets every, yes, every day. After they are dried, he irons them, remakes the bunk then folds his blankets in precisely and exactly the same way with the fold pointing away from his pillow.


Clyde washes and irons his workout clothes immediately before he works out; then he heads out the door to lift weights, get sweaty and dirty. He keeps the dirty clothes under his bunk until the next day when he washes them again right before he goes back out for his workout.


Clyde scrubs his sneakers every evening at the same sink in the bathroom precisely at 9:00 pm. He uses an old wash cloth and scrubs 35 wipes per side per shoe (we’ve counted). Then, he wipes the sink out wiping exactly 35 times.


No review of quirky can be complete without introducing you to “Reggie”. Reggie is, to borrow a phrase, “a piece of work”. He can’t go past the bathroom mirror without stopping and flexing. Reggie completely (I mean everything comes off) disrobes when he uses the bathroom. He works out from 2:00 to 4:00 pm every night in the bathroom. He does dips on the half walls separating the commodes from each other; he does incline and decline push ups using the handicap bench in the shower area.


Reggie is a coffee drinker. What he does is makes a large (travel mug size) cup with warm water. He pops it in the microwave for 30 seconds then removes it and walks the dorm 5 times. Back to the microwave for another 30 seconds, then 5 more laps. This goes on for about 45 minutes, three or four times a day.


Yes, guys with quirks are everywhere. Each man has a particular “style” he employs to make his bunk, organize his bunk, line his chair up at his bunk. Even the most disorganized, out of sync guys – slobs would be an accurate description – have quirks which lead to funny results.


Max is a great guy and a horrendous slob. His locker is nothing but all his stuff – food, clothes, and books – jammed in together. Dirty clothes lay on the floor (or his bed) until wash day when he takes the ball of clean stuff and forces it in the locker.


During the winter a field mouse found his way into the building. He’d run around and then mysteriously disappear. Everyone wondered where the mouse went. One day we found out.


Max was looking for a second clean sock and reached in to the back of his locker. There, between a knit cap, boxer shorts and pieces of saltine lay the mouse, curled up warm and snug in the spare sock.