Lt. Dan

I watched “Forrest Gump” on TV the other night for about the 100th time. I love that movie. My favorite scenes involve Forrest and Lt. Dan, his commanding officer in Vietnam. As you know, Lt. Dan comes from a family with a long military history which, we find out, involves some relative dying in every war the U.S. has ever fought in.



The unit is out on patrol and they’re ambushed. The North Vietnamese are everywhere, bullets and bombs hitting men on every side of Forrest. Lt. Dan calls a retreat and Forrest runs. He’s out of danger, but alone. He can’t just run away. He goes back, over and over, rescuing wounded men. He finally goes back for Lt. Dan who cusses him. He wants to die on the battlefield, it’s his fate. But, Forrest saves him anyway.


Next time we see the two men, they are in a military hospital. Lt. Dan has lost his legs. He is angry and blames Forrest. “I should have died out there with my men”. Forrest, always the sweet, gentle moron, just lets it roll off him.


For the next hour of the movie Forrest and Lt. Dan cross paths again and again. Lt. Dan’s life is in complete turmoil. He is drinking heavily, let’s himself go and is awash in bitterness. However, with nothing else to do, he shows up in the Gulf and helps Forrest run a shrimp boat. That too, proves a failure until he calls out to God. A tremendous hurricane strikes while the boat is out at sea.


Lt. Dan, at the height of the storm, yells at God, “You’ll never sink this ship!”! The next day the sky clears, the shrimp are plentiful and a calm, at peace Lt. Dan looks Forrest in the eye and says “I never thanked you for saving my life”. As Forrest points out, Lt. Dan made his peace with God.


I’ve had my own “Lt. Dan moments” these past two years. You build your life, head in a particular direction, and anticipate how it will work out. Then, whether by your own doing or having circumstances suddenly thrust on you, your life is in complete disarray. You wonder, “what the hell am I gonna do? How did I end up here?” You panic, fret, worry, fear, and yes, get bitter over the circumstances you find yourself in. And, you replay over and over the whys, and hows, and what ifs of your life.


I think I like Lt. Dan because he’s so, well, human. He is just like each and every one of us as we struggle day to day to get on with life. I’ve had my moments when I’ve called out God. Like Jacob, I wrestled God and ended up bruised. I’ve been like Job asking how can a loving God let all this happen?


And, just like Lt. Dan, Jacob, and Job, I’ve found peace. It’s a peace that comes from discovering that no matter how badly things go, no matter that I can’t make sense out of all this, I’m not now, nor ever been, alone. God’s always been there, even when I was stealing, even when my heart was breaking over the loss of my wife. I don’t know how, but I’m a better person than I was before my arrest.


Fact is, I had a wonderful life. I loved, with all my heart, my wife. I have such beautiful memories of her and our time together. I wouldn’t trade away any of that. I’ve been told by well-meaning people to “get over her, move on”. I’ll never get over her. I will always love her, always pray for her happiness and well-being. In spite of all that has happened between us, I consider my time with her as a blessing, an amazing gift from God.


It took my arrest and conviction for me to be reminded of the merciful, loving, hopeful person I used to be. As I told Big S last night, had it not been for this experience, my arrest, two men would still be languishing in prison. “Pilly” a nice Mexican man would still be here not back in his native Mexico, if I hadn’t been here and taken the time to review his paperwork and discover DOC had miscalculated his release date.


Had I not been here, “Mr. W”, dying of pancreatic cancer, would still be here instead of home with his wife and daughters during his last months on earth. I’ve discovered the true meaning of Joseph’s words to his brother when they were reunited – and reconciled – in Egypt. As he welcomed and forgave them, he said “you intended this for evil, but God brought about good.”


Which led me to another eye-opening observation. I’ve discovered that as well-meaning and caring a person I tried to be “BA” (before my arrest), I quite frankly was also – excuse the vernacular – an asshole. It wasn’t too difficult to recognize. I was, after all, a big fish in a little pond. I was brash, opinionated and very sure I was correct. I knew in my core, I was right. And, because of my outgoing personality people just naturally accepted what I said.


Don’t get me wrong. I was good at what I did and I devoted a great deal of time and effort to helping others. But I did it on my own terms. I thought people just needed to suck it up and work harder. Their background, their baggage, was irrelevant. Then I cam into this salad bowl of human genes and conditions and saw a whole world I had ignored.


James, in his New Testament epistle warns believers to not be so hung up on a person’s appearance. He also notes that no one can completely follow the law. Therefore, we must be merciful, not judgmental. As we show mercy so shall we be shown mercy.


I never thought a great deal about that until I ended up in this dump. It’s a funny feeling to be thanking God for the blessing of losing everything.


At the end of the movie, Forrest is getting married to the woman he loved all his life – Jenny. It’s a bittersweet moment because you know Jenny is dying. Off in the distance you see a man approach, walking toward Forrest. Forrest runs to him and says “Lt. Dan, you got new legs!”(“Titanium; just like on the space shuttle”).


Sometimes it’s not just your legs that get replaced. Sometimes our trials give us a new outlook, a new heart.