South of the Border

I’m locked up with a large number of Hispanic guys, the vast majority of whom came into the country illegally, worked their butts off pursuing the American dream, did something stupid in breaking the law, and are now serving sentences until they are deported. These guys came from Mexico, Honduras, El Salvador, Chile, Cuba, every Latin American country.



I’ve gotten to know a good many of these guys as a tutor in the Spanish class. I don’t speak a lot of Spanish (but I’m learning!), but between my poor Spanish and their poor English we communicate just fine. They are a close, tight group. When you make up about 10% of the inmate population you tend to stick together. I’m one of the few “Anglos” (Big S – a great soccer player – is anther Anglo tight with the guys) they hang with. As such, it’s given me some insight into these guys. I’ve also changed my mind about an issue dominating the headlines: illegal immigrants.


These guys – for the most part – are decent, and straight up. A high percentage of them are very active, practicing Christians. They treat everyone fairly and are honest. They tend to be more upfront about accepting responsibility for what they did and being remorseful. Oh yes, and almost to a man they love this country and wish they could stay.


Here’s my opinion on the current debate about the border and it will probably tick a lot of people off. My “people” came to this country before 1700 (at lease on my dad’s side). My grandmother was in the DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution), so that makes me as native as they get (unless you count the Indians). The people yelling the most about the borders are the very ones whose families cut corners to get in the country. My mom’s dad came here with his parents from Italy. Do you have any idea how many thousands of Italians, or Irish, or Polish, lied, cheated and stole their way into this country through Ellis Island? This country was founded by people who risked life and limb for a chance at something better.


Don’t like my history lesson, try our belief in Judeo-Christian tenets. God told his chosen people – the Israelites – after giving them “the promised land” to remember their suffering and remember how God so loved them that He brought them out of bondage. God then tells Israel to treat the alien in your land, the foreigner in need, with kindness.


How about an economic argument. These people pay more in taxes than they take out in services. They work harder and longer than most Americans, at jobs most of us wouldn’t even consider. They buy houses and cars. They pick almost all the food we eat. They are this economies backbone and muscle.


You want to “send em all home”, go ahead. But it’s the business owners, the farmers, the contractors who hire them; the banks that write them mortgages; the military that allows them to enlist and die in Iraq and Afghanistan so our kids can go to expensive colleges.


Most of these guys know more about this country than the average citizen. Here’s the other thing I discovered. The courts treat them unfairly. Public defenders convince them to take a plea – many times they don’t even understand what they’re pleading guilty to or the consequences of their plea. The U.S. Supreme Court just tackled this issue in its past term in Padilla v. Kentucky which requires lawyers to advise immigrants on the effect their guilty plea will have on their deportation status.


My experience in here has taught me there is no simple solution to the issue of immigration. It’s also taught me you can’t lump everyone together. Cases in point:


“Douglas” – one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met in my life. He came here in 1992 from Mexico, served in the Air Force for 6 years, bought a house, became a master framer, became a naturalized citizen, and moved his parents up here. He was making a good living when a “friend” asked him to translate in a business deal. The “friend” was selling crystal meth to an undercover cop. Douglas plead guilty, got five years, and now is in danger of having his citizenship revoked.


There’s Hector. He owns a restaurant in Fairfax and is here as a political refugee from El Salvador. He also had a drinking problem. On his third DUI, the court decided to send him to prison for 3 years; no accidents, just drunk driving. The day I was sentenced, the Judge (before giving me 30 years) sentenced a 22 year old man who drove drunk and had a wreck that killed his passenger to 2 years (apparently his life was worth a lot less than $2 million).


There’s Joker from Bolivia, a great basketball player; and Raul from Mexico – the best Spanish tutor at school; Batista and Miguel, Cuban immigrants. Miguel could be a pro boxer (bantam weight), Batista loves baseball. And, of course, there’s “Chili” from . . . you guessed it. He is hilarious and he doesn’t mean to be. The other day a guy called him “goober”. He didn’t know what it meant. We explained it the best we could. Finally, Chili figured it out and paraded up and down the aisle calling the same guy “goooo. . .bre”.


Chili is also the potato guy in the kitchen. We call him “Senor Papas” because he’ll come back and complain about making potato salad: “sum beesh; 18 sacks papas; chop, chop, chop; sum beesh!”


There’s also Rodriguez. He’s pond scum. He ran hustles on all the Hispanic guys when they first came in. He wears dark glasses 24 hours a day – that’s right, when he sleeps, showers, you name it. He can’t work or go to school because he refuses to take the glasses off. He and I got into it. He tried to “hire” me to handle his case. I refused. He called me “Gringo”. No legal help, his case fell apart.


I’m opposed to blanket deportations; I’ll make an exception for Rodriguez!