A Corinthian House

Who would have guessed that my depressing week would continue thanks to a TV show which, in turn, would cause me to admit some very painful truths to myself.


As I’ve written before, I really enjoy the TV drama “House”. I think I like the show because I relate to his character so easily. He is, next to me, the most arrogant, sarcastic, condescending person I’ve seen.


For the past few weeks I’ve felt my hope toss and turn much like a small sailboat at mooring being battered by a hurricane. In short, I have felt like an emotional basket case. Monday evening “House” came on. The scene was set with House sitting on a bench outside a school principal’s office with a preteen boy and girl. As with every episode, House had done something ethically suspect. But, this episode had the undercurrent of a breakup with Cuddy, his beautiful, intelligent girlfriend. The preteen girl kept asking him “why is she mad at you?”


Flashback and we see House being House. He is acting self-centered, ignoring Cuddy, doing what he wants. A worn out Cuddy finally says “I know you love me. But, you don’t care about me. If you did you wouldn’t treat me the way you do.”


“If you cared about me.” Those words bounced around in my brain for a few days. Those were words I heard and read from someone more dear to me than life itself, someone more beautiful, intelligent and patient than I could describe.


The next day, I received a pastor’s Valentine’s Day sermon built around Paul’s first letter to the Church of Corinth. The thirteenth chapter of that letter is recognized by almost everyone who has been to a church wedding. “Love is patient,” Paul says. He says a whole lot in a few simple lines. The more I read the sermon, the more I read Paul’s words, the more I understood what Cuddy meant.


I finally realized what Paul was telling the folks in Corinth was “You’ve got to let go of your old, narcissistic life.” I realized I used to think of his words as the “Eros” kind of love. “You know ‘love is how you make me feel.” As I read and reread his words, I realized for far too long in my marriage I had been a lousy husband, a lousy father. I realized far too many times I had been envious, arrogant and rude. I had insisted on having my way. That may pass for an Ok husband today, but it doesn’t make me a loving one according to Paul.


Love is not resentful. I realized when Jesus said love our enemies he wasn’t just talking about some far off power, he meant the people who wronged us. That includes the people we live with. Carrying baggage is wrong. Until we can forgive, we are the ones who suffer the wound.


That was Paul’s list of what love isn’t. Then he told us what love is. Simply put, real love is tough. It is patient. It never gives up and never walks out. It is kind; it rejoices in truth. It will bear all things, it looks for the best, believing and willing to hang in there – enduring all things.


That is tough, real tough. And, I knew in my heart I hardly lived up to any of that. I hated to admit it, but I was lousy at real love.


So back to House. He goes through a series of absolutely absurd acts to do something to prove to Cuddy he really does care. “I need her in my life more than she needs me.” I thought about that single line for hours. It was a line House uttered at his most vulnerable, his most honest.


There were few times I lived up to truly loving my wife and kids. That became painfully obvious as I recounted to myself the lies I told to cover my stealing. Then, I remembered that at least one time, when everything mattered, when my life hung in the balance, I did the right thing, the loving thing. Funny as it may sound, it wasn’t a tough decision.


House went and apologized to Cuddy. He admitted his shortcomings. He then told her “I understand you need time. That’s ok” Cuddy then invited him over. Relationship restored another happy ending. It was an amazing episode. Unfortunately, that’s not life, at least not my life.


The thing I realized about love, the love Paul was talking about, is sometimes you’ve got to let go. Sometimes, no matter how much it hurts, you have to say “Ok, I can’t beg, plead, cajole or persuade. I love you and that’s why your decision is alright with me.”


By the time I hit the end of the week, I felt better. Not great, but I knew in my heart I really did in fact love those three and I was Ok if they were safe, secure and happy even if it was without me.


I pulled out Big S’s modern language Bible and read Paul’s words again:


Love never gives up
Love cares more for others than for self
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first;”
It doesn’t fly off the handle
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others
Doesn’t revel when others grovel
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth.
Love puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies.


I realized as I thought about House and Cuddy, about my life, that Paul was on to perhaps the most important single lesson I’d struggled with since my arrest. Love, I figured out, isn’t about how others make you feel. It’s about how you make others feel. It’s about being willing to give everything up for another and never giving up hope.


Those folks in Corinth were fortunate. They got the message a lot sooner than I did.