An Imperfect Man

I had an interesting letter exchange this week. I was accused of not giving someone I’ve known intimately the benefit of the doubt. I’ve been thinking about a sermon I’d recently heard. It was all about trust, trusting in God’s plan in your life even when, on the face of it, you can’t see any good coming your way.



This minister began by telling a story when his career hung in the balance. He wanted out and “knew” he didn’t belong in the mess he found himself in. As he prayed, as he lay his burdens before his God, he was overcome by an overwhelming presence.


“Don’t argue.”


“Don’t defend yourself.”


“Trust and wait.”


He followed the voice. It wasn’t easy. He continued to be attacked. Gradually, however, he won his congregation over. He recently celebrated his 40th anniversary with that church.


He made another interesting comment as he concluded the story. He said, “God is on the side of all his children. The real issue is which of His children are actually listening to Him.”


I’ve spent the last few days pondering that minister’s remarks. I landed myself in prison; I hurt the people I love and who loved me more deeply than I can still comprehend; I came in here with all sorts of preconceived notions about people that were completely wrong. I was, I am, a sinful, imperfect man who longs for forgiveness and reconciliation. Yet, I haven’t been willing to wait, wait patiently and trust.


As I thought about what the minister said, I realized my situation isn’t unique to God. After all, God is, well God, and He’s seen it all before. Nor was it unique how I was acting. Every shot at me had to be met with a response. I realized I hadn’t learned anything, hadn’t gotten anywhere, by reacting.


Trust is a tough thing, even when it involves God. Fact is, I didn’t give the letter writer the benefit of the doubt. I had in the past. I made giant leaps of faith years ago when I hung in with her and on the eve of my sentencing trusted completely. As I looked back I thought “and you let me down”. But God is different.


This past week, a well-meaning friend in here warned me to “be on guard. You’re surrounded by scumbags.” Maybe so, but what I learned from that sermons says just the opposite. We have a choice. We can fight, confront and challenge everyone and put ourselves first. Or, we can trust God. For too long I did the former. I’m trying to follow the latter.


I don’t know if the letter writer will write back. I hope she does. For once in my life, I think I can just listen.


As I mentioned earlier, I’m a sinful, imperfect man prone to mistakes. Thankfully, I’m also a child of God.