Tuesday afternoon. I had endured a lousy Valentine’s Day and things had not improved from there. I headed out for a run. All the way around the track I kept going over and over, what else can you do God? I’ve lost everything; my life was in complete disarray; are you even listening?
I headed back to the building at door break and was greeted by the sweet voice of “Ivana” – my name for the rather attractive, dark-haired, Eastern European CO that works our building. “Heh, bed 96; you are vanted at de Majors offixe.” The Major; Head of Security. That is never a good call
Without showering, I put on my state blues and headed to the office. I walked in and saw the lead investigator. “The Major called me,” I said.
“No, we want to talk to you.” By we, he meant all three investigators.
“Do you know why we wanted to talk to you?”
“Well, I haven’t finished pledging a gang yet; I haven’t gotten any new tats; and you haven’t accused any of my visitors of sneaking in contraband; so it must involve the law.”
Point of information for the readers – investigators have an uneasy relationship with inmates. They rely on dirt from snitches to go after someone. Second point, they don’t call you to their office without having the snitches info in hand. Point three; they had my legal work from a snitch.
“You’ve been doing work all over this compound. That’s illegal.”
“Only if I charge. I read the manual.”
“You do charge (hands me a stack of my notes on a case).”
“I don’t charge. I wrote that guy telling him he had no case. I said I can’t help him but if he’s so hell-bent on wasting my time he might as well send me fifty dollars.”
“So you do charge?”
“No, because the guy has no money and wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
On and on it went for forty-five minutes. Could I go to the hole? They threatened, but probably not. It was intimidation pure and simple.
Funny thing is, the college program keeps me so busy I don’t do legal work anymore.
Still, I was off balance. I had never had a problem with the investigators. Now I’d been snitched on. All around the compound guys were saying “G.E. snitched out lawyer Larry.” My reaction: You made your point, God. I get it.
Things could be worse. I’m living alright in here. I hate what’s become of my old life, but I learned a valuable lesson. Isaiah 43:2 says “when you walk through the fire you will not get burned”. The point: we all go through afflictions and trials. They’re difficult and don’t make sense, but they are inevitable. I need to stop asking why and just patiently trust.
It’s been a couple of tough weeks. I’ve learned a lot the hard way. I’ve seen dreams die, my heart break. Still, I was reminded God’s there and He’s listening. I need to be careful what I’m saying.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Larry,
ReplyDeleteI read your blog yesterday and as I prayed for you God kept giving me things to say. I was reluctant to share these words because I am not sure if the thoughts are my opinion or truly words of hope and encouragement from Him. I read the latest post and you used my life's verse Isaiah 43:2. I get it! Remember some of this may be my opinion.
My God does not take things away. He doesn't cause pain and suffering. My God is a God of hope, possibilities, and opportunities. My God gives "free will" and whatever consequences arise from the use of "free will" are ours to bear. Yes, sometimes it feels as though we have lost everything and we may feel as though there is no hope and that our lives are truly bleak. The days are dark and without light and our nights are black. The truth is: God is right beside us. He allows us to make our choices and decisions and suffer the consequences. However, He is right beside us, suffering the consequences with us. We sometimes need to look up to see Him and the opportunities He is giving us to make a better choice; a better decision. When we focus on what we are living through or what we have lost, we lose sight of what we have. God has given us blessings. Yes, even in times of great trial! He has not forsaken us. He tells us in His word that we are to praise Him in ALL things, not just when our world is right, but especially when our world is in despair...He is our salvation. He is the one who is able and willing to see us through. It is so much easier to praise Him when we have what we want, but shouldn't we want to know that He provides a way out of our despair? I don't always remember to praise Him when my life is difficult, but I can say that until I remember to praise him my life doesn't seem to change much!
I believe that God gives us new opportunities to become the people He has intended us to be with every circumstance and decision we make.
I pray that you will find comfort in these words and that you can see the blessings that He is giving you daily. Yes, times are very difficult today, but each day you are having an impact on someone's life. Each day you are ministering to others. You may be the only voice or action that someone sees as a testimony of God's love and forgiveness. Be encouraged and go forth and do great things. Your Father is watching and has great plans for you~