Response to Karen

Dear Karen - I received your blog comments and wanted to respond. First, thank you for reading my ramblings and taking the time to write. Your comments reached me during a particularly difficult week. They made a real difference to me and I truly appreciate them.



A little about my “faith journey” – I was raised in a Presbyterian home, married in a Methodist church (they had the prettiest sanctuary for a wedding!), then returned to my Calvinist roots. Our family was active in our church – I was ordained as an elder and deacon and even taught Sunday school. My lies came crashing down and my life with it and I suddenly realized how little I understand about God.


At a very dark point while at the jail, a young black drug dealer whom I had befriended gave me a book by Dr. Charles Stanley. In the first chapter he wrote honestly about his feelings over his own divorce. As I read the book I began to get a totally new perspective on God’s relationship with me. Now, every Sunday morning I watch Dr. Stanley’s service from the First Baptist Church in Atlanta and tithe ten percent of my monthly wages to his church’s ministry.


Prior to my arrest I would have told you I knew all I needed to know about faith. Each day since, I learn something new. Some of the lessons are quite painful. It’s not easy looking at yourself honestly. But, I also realize in many ways I’m not going through anything people haven’t gone through for thousands of years. We may have the best of intentions, but we stray, we sin, we hurt others and ourselves. Still God loves us and forgives us.


I am very interested in your work at the jail. A couple of things I’ve come to realize while in here: First, there are a good number of folks who “suddenly find religion” in here. At first, I wanted to believe everyone was sincere. I gradually realized some people see religion as a tool to get a lighter sentence or to run “hustles” on well-intentioned folks. I’m not suggesting you be untrusting, just cautious. Just as it is out there, some folks will try and use God for their own advancement.


Second, a good number of people in here want to say “I’m saved” without dealing honestly with what that means. Dealing with the aftermath of the messes we make is tough and a long, difficult process. There are days I feel forgiven and hopeful. Then, other days I just wonder why I did all this and when and how will it end.


I still remember what the chaplain at the jail told me a few days after my arrival. He quietly and sympathetically listened as I poured my heart out. When I was completely spent he simply said “I can’t tell you things will work out the way you want them to right now. But, God hears you, He loves you and if you trust Him, He’ll see you through.” No sugar coating, no easy solution.


Finally, be yourself and let your faith come out by your actions. I don’t spend a great deal of time talking about my personal relationship to God unless asked. Guys now regularly ask me about Bible verses, parables and things like if I think God really does forgive. I also try to treat everyone in here with respect.


I’d love to hear back from you on your ministry. Feel free to write back anytime. My “blog manager” gets mail to me every week.


I really do want to thank you again for your words to me. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve had a tough couple of weeks. Your statement about forgiveness especially hit home with me.


I truly believe God sends angels when we need them most to remind us. He hears and He cares. Your kind of note reminded me of that.


Larry