Lindsay, Charlie and Lunenburg

A great deal of press attention was focused this week on Lindsay Lohan. She is again in legal trouble, this time for the alleged theft of a $2500 necklace. If convicted of grand larceny, she will also face probation revocation on her earlier conviction. The prosecutor wants her to be sentenced to three years in prison.



Much of the attention this week on Lindsay and the other “out of control” celebrity – Charlie Sheen, focused on their repeated run-ins with trouble. “They just don’t learn.”


I have a high level of sympathy for Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen. I see a whole lot of men in here who have behaved just like them. Frankly, I behaved just like them. It maybe difficult to understand if you have never been through it, but we all hit our breaking point at different times. We all try and kid ourselves things have hit bottom. Truth is we aren’t completely broken yet.


I see young guys in here on their third eighteen month “bid”. I don’t get it. I just don’t see why anyone would risk coming back in here. “What is the matter with you?” I want to scream at these guys who have been out then choose to “come back in”.


Then, I think about myself. I had, by all appearances, a perfect life. Why would I risk all that for money? I didn’t need the money; I didn’t need the guilt I lived with every day; I didn’t need the consequences. They clearly outweighed the risks.


People, in general, look at the Lindsays, the Charlies, the Mike Vick’s, and ask “what are they thinking? They have everything.” None of us, however, know the demons they live with. Perhaps, we should be more empathetic, more sympathetic. Perhaps, we should be thankful we don’t have the same demons.


Demons. There are such things. I had my own share. What else could explain knowing what you’re doing is wrong, knowing what you’re doing will, upon discovery, destroy everything you hold dear, and still act in such a reckless manner?


I looked at the news and saw the film of Ms. Lohan in court this week. She is incredibly beautiful. Yet, there was a sadness, a fear, a brokenness in her eyes. She was trying to comprehend exactly what was happening to her. I know the look. I had that look. I hate that look.


Two friends in here told me I was taking too much on. “You’ve got to learn to say ‘no’, slow up, do for you.” I can’t. I throw myself into the students and the law. Some of my reasoning is self-serving. The busier I am the less likely I am to dwell on all I gave up. But the other reason is I want to give these guys a chance, a chance to lose that look.


Brokenness is a terrible, horrible moment in your life. It is just short of giving up, quitting, dying. I don’t mean a peaceful, “I’ve lived my life fully” death. It is the worst possible feeling known and, at least in my experience, necessary to overcome the demons.


I don’t know if Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen are there yet. For their sake I hope they are. Every night I pray for the men incarcerated here; that their hearts can be opened, their demons slayed, and their futures bright. The weird thing is most of those men aren’t at that point. They’re still more interested in hustles, in drugs, in a host of mind numbing, law breaking behaviors that will land them back here.


I hope they break before it’s too late. There were so many terrible nights during this trial. But, one will always stand out. One when I just wanted it all to end. Something got me through that night. Worse days came along, but my demons were gone. I hope, for Lindsay and Charlie, and the 1200 other inmates here that they too have hit bottom.


I also hope we all remember, “There but for the grace of God go I”.