Lifer

I had breakfast with Saleem today. We spoke quietly over turkey sausage, gravy and biscuits. Not the best meal, but it beats being hungry. Saleem is one of my favorite people in here. He has a kind face, somewhat rubbery. His look reminds me of the Pooh character “Tigger”. Saleem is the leader of the Muslim inmates. He is deeply respected by both inmates and staff.



About six weeks ago, after receiving the first in a series of letters from my ex, my “balance” went off. I became extremely nervous, lost hope, withdrawn. It was Saleem who quietly came up to me and called me to his cut. With his face scrunched up and his eyes staring straight at me, he told me how much he admired and respected me. He then asked me a rhetorical question that has seen me through this difficult patch. “If you believe in God shouldn’t you be confident He hears you and will handle your situation?” That was it. No moral, no offering his opinion about how I was feeling; just a simple statement about what faith means.


And, I took it to heart. I had to. Saleem, you see, is a “lifer”. He’s been locked up thirty years. Though he receives a parole hearing every year, he has no mandatory parole date. Absent the parole board granting him discretionary parole, he will live out his days, and die, an incarcerated man.


Saleem is tall; broad shouldered and carries himself with great dignity. Even at fifty-eight, he still heads out to the rec yard to jog. In his twenties he played in an adult basketball league in Petersburg. Just watching him slowly trot around the track reminds you this guy was an athlete.


More than thirty years ago, Saleem – a Vietnam Vet and a small business owner – made a decision. He wanted more money. The easiest way to get the extra cash was to run a side business, an illegal business, drugs. Something went horribly wrong one night and Saleem killed a man. Saleem – a peaceful man (a medic in the military), a man who’d never been in a fist fight in his life – killed a man. It was labeled capital murder. There was talk of seeking the death penalty. The papers reported on his case; his family was in turmoil.


The charge was eventually reduced: first degree murder with a life sentence and parole eligibility. Saleem began serving his sentence. He left a wife and family at home. He went to a high level facility. He saw stabbings, rapes, murder. He never lost his humanity. But for that one night of violence, he remained a peaceful man.


Saleem did, and continues to do, his sentence. Every year he comes up for parole; every year he is denied. He has been a model inmate: no charges; earned a degree; serves as an academic aide; leads a Muslim community of about one hundred men. Yet, every year he is turned down.


Imagine knowing today that every day for the rest of your life you will be in the same room. Whether you live one year more or forty years more, your destiny is exactly that existence. Would you remain hopeful? Would you remain faithful? Saleem received his rejection with stoicism and strength. “When the time is right, God will find a way.”


There is no doubt Saleem committed a horrible crime. He took a life. The question to be asked is, can a person ever show enough remorse, enough regret, enough evidence of redemption to be able to overcome taking a life? Why tell Saleem he is parole eligible if nothing he does will make him deserving of parole?


As I thought about our views of justice and mercy I stopped to do my afternoon devotional. I read Mark 2: 1-12. It contains the story of the paralyzed man lowered through the roof to be healed by Jesus. Jesus takes one look at the man lying on the cot before him and says simply “your sins are forgiven.”


The local community leaders – the good, moral folks – react with outrage. “Who are you to forgive someone’s sins?” That accusatory question led Jesus to an amazing teaching moment. “Which is more difficult, to forgive one’s sins or to make one walk?” And with that He commanded the paralyzed man to rise and walk. When the man did indeed walk, the crowd stood awestruck.


Forgiveness, reconciliation, mercy, justice; they are such commonly used words yet the reality is; actual forgiveness, actual reconciliation, mercy and justice are so seldom exhibited.


I don’t know how many years a man must serve for taking a life. I do know this, if we profess we believe, and accept the gift of God’s grace to forgive us, we can do no less for Saleem.


Postscript: As I was writing this piece DC came in the building. He had been called to the counselor’s office and given the written parole decision denying him parole for another year.


With a smile on his face he showed me the letter. “They used five reasons this year.” I choked up. As much as I want out of here, I would do every single day with a smile on my face if they’d just let DC go. See, I know the guy. I believe in the guy. I believe in the power of redemption. I believe in the power of forgiveness.


“It’s OK Larry. My day will come. You have to stay strong, focused and remain hopeful. I put myself in here. When the time’s right He’ll get me out.”


Every morning I recite a series of Bible verses as I prepare for my devotional reading and prayers. One particular verse stands out:


“Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage.
Yes, wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14)


Those words came to mind as I watched DC head to the phones and call his wife of forty-one years – “not this year, honey. We’ll try again next January.”


“Which is more difficult, to forgive someone of their sins or make them walk?”


Powerful question. God knows the right answer. Do we? Saleem and DC deserve to know.